Copy and Paste
by Calum the Angel
Summary: Are you tired of dynamic fanfiction? Fed up with all of those good stories out there? Well, step right up and experience mediocrity like you've never seen it before! Cowritten by Super Ceech and Spacewolf!
1. Jerk Beyond Redemption

A/N (Super Ceech) Greetings, all, to the new parody of Calum the Angel, Spacewolf and myself! If you enjoyed Love is Blind...I have no doubt you'll enjoy this one as well! And just as a quick reminder, while reading our parodies, you must keep an open mind. We are not trying to insult anyone with our fics, we're just trying to spread the humour!

This parody in particular is a bit more wide-ranged than Love is Blind, dealing with any trends we find are repeated over and over again in various fanfics, and which we believe deserve closer scrutiny...and ridicule. Hope you enjoy!

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"Oh, crap!" Kagome muttered as she ran towards her school in the distance. Her books were practically falling out of her arms, her hair was tousled and she was most definitely late. The only thing that would make this morning any worse was–

"Hey, Higurashi!"

–him. Inuyasha Asshole. He was such an asshole. She hated him. He did nothing but pull pranks on her. She was like his little guinea pig. He treated her like dirt, bossed her around and got the whole school to hate her as well. It really sucked that he was hot and popular and he could somehow control everyone in the school – even the principal. This was because he was an Asshole and everyone knew that Assholes influenced everything that went on in the city. Because they were rich. And money...well, money was all powerful and it just worked, okay!

Groaning, Kagome turned her head to see Inuyasha driving up beside her in his brand-spanking-new Ferrari. He was fifteen just like her, but he was allowed to drive 'cause of that Asshole thing again. "What do you want, Asshole?"

"Running late, are we, Higurashi? Well, I suppose I could give you a ride, just this once. C'mon, hop in." He flashed her an irresistible grin.

Hey, he was being nice for once! Kagome didn't have much running through her mind except, 'Dear lord, I may not be late after all!' and so headed for the car with a grateful and relieved smile. That grin was enough to make her forget the implications of Inuyasha's last name.

As soon as Kagome got within three feet of the car, Inuyasha started laughing maniacally and stepped on the gas. This caused the puddle under the tires to splash up and drench Kagome thoroughly as Inuyasha then drove off towards school.

"IIIINNNNUUUUYYYYAAAASSSSHHHHAAAA!" Kagome screeched. "I HATE YOU!"

She watched through narrowed eyes as the car stopped up ahead and started to go in reverse, coming back towards her. Inuyasha pulled up level with her once again. "Oh, I almost forgot," he said, grinning more than ever. Faster than she could blink, he pulled five balloons out of nowhere and lobbed them at her. She was totally off guard and each one made a direct hit, splashing her with the different colours of paint they had each been filled with. Inuyasha drove off once again.

Kagome knew she couldn't go home at this point – her mother would frown and give her a slightly disapproving look. She just couldn't take that look! No. She'd go the rest of the way to school and endure all the jeering, mocking and evil looks from the other students instead. That was a far better idea.

When she arrived at school, everyone laughed as expected. And sneered. And glared. And jeered. And called her names. And some poked her. Some spit on her. Some threw stuff at her.

Oh, yeah. She'd made the right decision when she choose to come here rather than home.

When she arrived at her locker, she noticed there were three wads of gum on the lock – one was Inuyasha's, and the other two belonged to Miroku Grope and Kouga Horny, his two lackeys. They left them there every morning. And, as her daily ritual, she peeled each off with a grimace before opening her lock.

She gasped. There was hot mustard dripping off everything in her locker! Don't ask me how she knew it was hot before touching it or why hot mustard is more hurtful than cold mustard but she did and it is! How was she going to function at school now? You know, ignoring her already paint-stained body and all?

There was no choice. Kagome collapsed to the floor in front of her locker and cried into her non-mustardized but now paint-stained books. She cried and cried and bawled and wailed but no one really cared. Because everyone had their hands tied by some Asshole or another (which is quite a feat if you think about it!). They all worshipped the Assholes. And took their every word as a holy word always to be taken as the truth.

So finally Kagome picked herself up off the floor, now covered in its dirt. Her day was just getting better and better! So she decided to go straight to her second class, gym, because she'd been late and then cried through most of her first class.

She got on her mustardized gym clothes and attempted to put on her running shoes, only to discover that her laces had been superglued together. She would just have to waddle...

And waddle she did. She did amazingly well, considering they were playing soccer that day in gym. Inuyasha hit her in the head with the ball no less than fifteen times before the end of class (laughing derisively each time) and she was seeing double as she changed back into her normal clothes, causing a few mishaps.

As she was about to hand in her Biology assignment next period, Inuyasha randomly walked by and ripped it up. The teacher gave her a reproachful look and a zero on the report, with no chance of making it up.

For lunch, Inuyasha's minions stole her food and chased her off school property; she was forced to eat berries she found on the roadside, not sure if they were poisonous or not. Then Inuyasha had all the custodians lock the school doors and she had to eat a maggot before he would let her in.

Miroku felt her up and Kouga shoved her into a locker on her way to Drama. Her Math teacher later on in the day gave her a zero on all her homework questions even though she knew they were all right. Someone dumped spaghetti on her head between classes. When she was sitting in Economics, a spitball smacked her in the back of the neck and slid down inside her shirt. Inuyasha managed to get a "Kick Me" sign on her back without her noticing somewhere along the way and for the rest of the day, Kagome was subjected to many random jabs.

All in all, a typical day in the life of Kagome Higurashi, who was acquainted with the biggest hole of the Asshole family.

..:V:..

The next day at Hellhole High, a new student transferred. And for some reason, the high school teachers and students cared about this one new person among their student population of seven hundred. And they decided to especially point him out to everyone in all of his new classes. And it was a good thing they did, because this student's name was Naraku and he was introduced to this story so that he could do evil, despicable things. But he had a lot of work to do to catch up with Inuyasha Asshole.

Anyway, after Kagome had taken a careful amount of time to note how sinister and evil Naraku looked through her honey-soaked bangs (for that's what had fallen on her head as she had walked in the school doors that morning), she went back to her work, never thinking that he would ever bother doing anything to her. Because that psychotic, sadistic glare straight _at_ her didn't mean a thing.

Instead she thought of how much she hated Inuyasha. He was such a jerk. Like, what had she ever done to him? The first day she had met him, he had looked at her and said, "You bear a vague and almost inconsequential resemblance to my ex-girlfriend, Kikyo. You will pay for your accursed genes with my wrath all through your soon-to-be miserable high school years. That'll teach you."

And so it had began. Sigh. Such a tragic tale. Apparently he and Kikyo had only gone out for like two days anyway... And he had only known her for a week beforehand. And a week after the break-up she'd moved to Bosnia. Kagome suspected her "special" treatment was more likely due to some deep emotional, traumatic and soul-scarring experience from when he was a child. That usually explained most things. And he may also have split-ends...

In any case, they were now in their senior year and she had put up with four years of humiliation, dirty pranks, the brunt of Inuyasha's hatred and the occasional piece of food between her teeth. Damn, she had a lot of willpower. But this year, starting today, she was determined to retaliate!

"Higurashi! You look like shit!" came Inuyasha's yell from across the room.

This was it. This was her big chance. "Y-yeah? W-well...you're a big meanie!" Kagome declared stubbornly. Everyone in the room burst into laughter, jeering and pointing at her.

But this did not deter Kagome. From then on, she was an absolute devil towards Inuyasha. She would brush him slightly as she past him in the hall...before he shoved her into a locker. She let out an inaudible sigh and rolled her eyes discreetly whenever his name was called or whenever he entered a class late. She called him hurtful names ("Poopie pants! Pea brain!") whenever he mocked her. She trashed his car...almost. Instead, she thought about it deviously. She sent him pretend love letters from random other girls in the school...and ended up getting him several dates.

Oh, yeah.

He was feeling the hate.

And through this whole "war", Naraku kept shooting Kagome creepy looks. And acting creepy. Kagome suffered a chill down her spine whenever he walked past, leering at her. But _surely_ he wouldn't do anything, right?

Meanwhile, Inuyasha had also noticed the looks Naraku was sending his favourite victim. And for some inexplicable reason, he became angry. He was the only one allowed to torture Kagome!

Anyways, things carried on like this for a good month or so. And then, out of the blue, something totally unexpected happened. As things out of the blue tend to go. Kagome was innocently walking home from school with egg in her hair, salami in her bra and paper maché paste in her pants when she was suddenly grabbed violently from the depths of a dark alley she was passing. A cloth permeated with a sweet scent was clamped over her nose and mouth and before too long, Kagome slumped into unconsciousness and was dragged into the alley with everyone on the busy street noticing, but no one really caring.

Meanwhile, everyone immediately noticed Kagome wasn't at school the next day. We'll ignore what Kagome's mother felt the night before when she didn't come home. We'll say she was a little worried, but didn't pay too much attention to it, and we'll leave it at that.

Now. As for school, everyone noticed that the school was just a little bit emptier without Kagome around. Their favourite scapegoat and torture victim wasn't with them and it hurt. Inside.

Inuyasha was particularly affected. For some reason, he was extra worried. The thought never crossed his mind that Kagome might have needed a day to get away from him and all the humiliation going to the same school with him brought her. Instead, he concluded there must be sinister forces at work here. Sinister forces that had captured his love.

...His love?

Yes! His love! For somewhere along the road of blood, sweat, tears and assholery, Inuyasha had fallen madly in love with Kagome! And now he must venture forth and rescue his love from the unknown evil that had taken her away from him!

Using his STUPENDOUS deductive skills, Inuyasha realized that Naraku too was missing that day! Clearly, there was a connection. Evil leer boy Naraku! He must have been the one to kidnap Kagome!

And off Inuyasha dashed, missing the science test the next period completely, and yet somehow still managing to get an A. But don't worry, Kagome got the F she deserved.

..:V:..

Kagome groggily came to and noticed she was in a decrepit, mostly empty and bare garage. She was tied to a chair and a figure circled her menacingly. Blinking a few times and shaking her head to wake herself up more, she peered closer.

"Naraku?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss?" a voice slithered, caressing the letters it spoke in a VERY creepy manner.

"Oh, um, nothing. Just checking," Kagome said nervously. After a few moments of just gazing around boredly and tapping her foot, her mind snapped back. "No, wait. Why am I here exactly? Where is here? And have you always talked like that?"

"You are here so I can kiiiiiiiiiiill you," Naraku said, advancing suddenly and grinning maniacally in her face.

"And you had to kidnap me to do that?"

"I couldn't kill you in broad dayliiiiiiight!"

"You kidnapped me in broad daylight!"

"That was diiiiiiifferent!"

"No, it wasn't! Shut up! And stop talking like that!"

Naraku flicked open a pocket knife and scraped it down Kagome cheek, drawing forth a line of blood. "Quiet, girl. _I_ make up the rules around here! So you better start quivering and being deathly afraid!"

Kagome started quivering and being deathly afraid. "Wh-what are you going to do wi-with me?" she asked haltingly, a tear running down her cheek.

Naraku sighed. "I just told you! I'm going to kill you!"

"Oh...right..." Kagome responded in a defeated tone. Then she flared up. "You'll never get the chance! Inuyasha will come for me!"

There was a pause so the sheer improbability and impossibility of this statement could be digested. Then Naraku shrugged it off. "Inuyasha? Ha! Why the hell would he ever come for you? ...No, really. I have to know this. Why would you think he would come for you?"

"Because I'm the only one he loves to torture and humiliate...which means I'm special to him...which means we have a connection...! I LOVE INUYASHA!" Kagome gasped in shock and horror at her sudden revelation. Everyone reading was just as taken aback.

"Ha!" Naraku barked triumphantly. "Kikyo was right all along!"

Kagome snapped out of her daze and did a double take on Naraku. "...Kikyo? What has Inuyasha's ex-but-almost-never girlfriend have to do with any of this?"

Naraku struck a dramatic pose and clasped his hands in front of his heart. "It all started back in Bosnia..."

"You were in Bosnia?" Kagome interrupted.

"Yes," Naraku answered irritably.

"When?"

"Before I moved here."

"You lived in Bosnia before you came here?"

"Yes."

"I never knew that! You should have mentioned something!" Kagome said, leaning forward as she got caught up in the conversation.

"I must have mentioned it _sometime_..." Naraku mused, pacing and tapping a finger to his chin.

Kagome shook her head. "Never."

"Huh..." Naraku trailed off, thinking. "How odd..."

After a moment of silence, Kagome spoke up again. "So...you were saying?"

"Ah, yes!" Naraku said, restriking his pose. "It all started back in Bosnia when a beautiful girl who vaguely resembles yourself moved there. We met and I instantly fell in love. She was so beautiful...so glamourous... Her name was Kikyo and–"

"I already figured that part out," Kagome interrupted.

"Fine!" Naraku snapped. "Kikyo was perfect in every way...but she didn't feel quite the same way about me. But I knew I just had to prove myself! And above all, I wanted to see her happy! So when she told me that she'd been spying on her ex-but-almost-never boyfriend long distance and–"

"Hold up!" Kagome cut in again. "Kikyo's been spying on Inuyasha? From Bosnia? We'll ignore how that's possible for the moment and just cut to why?"

"Because her heart is still captured by that foul barbarian!" Naraku exclaimed.

"Didn't they break up _before_ she moved away?" Kagome asked.

"She broke it off early so there would not be greater pain in the future," Naraku lamented.

"Riiiiiiiight..." Kagome said, giving him a funny look. "Okay, say I buy all this. What the heck does it have to do with me?"

"You love Inuyasha!" Naraku declared emphatically while pointing an accusing finger at her. "Kikyo noticed this right away and hired me to take action!"

"Right away?" Kagome asked sceptically. "Inuyasha and I have known each other for four years now!"

Naraku gave her an incredulous look. "You have? ...Give me one minute..." He flicked open a cell phone, punched a few numbers in and waited a few moments before someone picked up on the other end. "Yeah, Kikyo? I've got Kagome here and she says she and Inuyasha have known each other for a good four years now, instead of having just met recently like we thought." There was a loud, indecipherable screeching sound for a few moments before it died down to a quiet buzz. After nodding for a minute, Naraku said, "Yeah, okay. I'll tell her." He clicked the phone shut and turned back to Kagome.

"Kikyo says to stop pointing out the discrepancies in the plot. And that I should kill you now to truly prove myself to her," Naraku told her smugly as he advanced on her with his knife.

"Damn," Kagome muttered. "I knew being smart would get me killed faster... But no! Alas! My precious Inuyasha will come for me! I know he will!"

Naraku paused in the middle of raising the knife. "Would you give that up already? He will NEVER come for you!"

Just as Naraku was swinging down the knife at a petrified and cringing Kagome, the back door to the garage was flung open and the silhouette of Inuyasha sprang forward. "Hi, does this happen to be the residence of Nara–hey, what are you doing here?"

Naraku glared at the new arrival, the knife point an inch from Kagome's face. "I _live_ here, Asshole."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to actually kidnap Kagome and keep her _here_. I thought you'd have her secreted away somewhere else and I'd only find a blindingly obvious clue to her location here," Inuyasha explained with a shrug.

"Since when did you become the authority on intelligence?" Naraku demanded.

Kagome wasn't about to let him off as easily, however. "Isn't this blindingly obvious enough? And besides, if you'd had one more detour to slow you down, I'd already be dead! So be thankful you're both on the same stupidity level, you moron!"

"This is what I get for coming to save you?" Inuyasha shouted angrily as he advanced inside the garage. "You yell at me and call me stupid? You retarded little ingrate!"

"You think I wanted your help, you idiotic jerk?" Kagome yelled back.

"Uh, if I may cut in and point out, Kagome, that not two minutes ago, you said–" Naraku was quickly drowned out.

"I've never wanted your help and by god, you've never offered it before! I even question what your true motives are this time! You're actually probably in on it with Naraku! That's it, isn't it?" Kagome senselessly went on.

"What the heck are you going on about now?" Inuyasha responded, his voice, if possible, even louder. "I come in here to save you and you yell at me, insult me AND question my motives?"

"Um...guys? I'm still here, ya know..." Naraku said, feebly trying to get their attention.

"Well, why would you come in here to save me?" Kagome shouted, tears of extreme emotion springing to her eyes. "You've never tried saving me before! In fact, you're always the one causing my pain and suffering! So why _wouldn't_ I question your motives?"

Inuyasha swiped a hand down his face and let out an exasperated sigh. "Geez, can you BE any more annoying? This is why I've always hated you!"

"Well, I always thought I hated you too, but I've just come to realize I love you! Which I hate even more!" Kagome snapped in retaliation before her mouth clamped shut and her eyes widened.

Inuyasha stopped as he was about to launch into another _witty_ comeback. "Y-you love me?"

Naraku coughed loudly and waved his knife around. "Heeelloo-oo! Guys, I _am_ still here, you know!"

Tears were now coursing violently down Kagome's cheeks. "Y-yes! I love you! Oh so much and for absolutely no discernible reason!"

A sensitive blush sprang to Inuyasha Asshole's cheeks. "I...I love you too...Kagome..."

"Oh, Inuyasha!" Kagome cried, launching herself at him. Unfortunately, she was still tied to the chair and she ended up going nowhere except harshly down on her face in an awfully awkward position. Inuyasha rushed over to her to help her out...after lovingly pouring some rancid chocolate milk in her already egg-filled hair.

"Oh, I give up!" Naraku declared in exasperation, stabbing himself with the knife.

And so, all was well with the world again. Inuyasha and Kagome had realized their true feelings for each other which were OH SO obvious even at the beginning of the story; they had just need a little –cough– help. And Naraku had been thwarted...by himself.

But what about Kikyo? She's still at large...find out the next evil plot she unleashes to try and tear apart Inuyasha and Kagome unbreakable bond of love in...the sequel!

The End

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A/N (Super Ceech) And so concludes the first chapter of our new parody. And no...there will not be a sequel to this particular story. Sorry to disappoint. Next chapter will deal with a completely different set of circumstances. So stay tuned! We've got a lot of fun stuff planned for this thing! 


	2. Playgirl Kagome

Calum A/N: This refused to get written and at the time I thought it sucked, but in the end, everything seemed to work out okay. Hope you like eeeet!

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There once was a little girl who was the apple of her parents' eyes. When she was five, she used to wear her favourite dress, an adorable little lilac number with frills around the collar and puffed sleeves, with her hair braided, and pretended to tapdance on the kitchen floor. It was the sweetest thing her parents had ever seen, and they loved their little girl so much.

Eventually, she was no longer interested in dresses or dancing, but she was nonetheless still the apple of her parents' eyes. When she was ten, she played little league softball, and her team made it all the way to the final tournament, and won. She hit the ball every time she went up to bat, and she was very proud of herself and her achievements. Her parents couldn't have been prouder of their little girl, and took lots of photos that remain in a treasured album to this day.

But eventually, like many things in her life, softball too was left behind. The little girl was now fifteen. While her love of sports had waned, her passion for skirts and dancing had ignited anew. Unfortunately, the nature of these interests had changed considerably...

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

Her mother took a deep breath, and continued using her butter knife to spread peanut butter on toast, and not for the other purpose that had crossed her mind when she heard her daughter shriek for the fifth time that morning.

"What, Kagome?"

"Where's my favourite skirt!"

"I probably put it in the wash, Kagome," her mother replied. "If it's sitting in a crumpled heap in your room, it goes in the wash. You know that."

"But it was still good!" Kagome screeched. "And why are you going into my room, anyway! Isn't there some law that says you can't invade your daughter's private space!"

"Isn't there some law that says you can't wear a skirt that short in school?" Kagome's mother muttered into the orange juice.

Down the hal in her room, Kagome went rooting through her closet to find something suitable in the place of her favourite skirt. She finally pulled out a little black leather number with a zipper up the front. She checked how it matched up with her navy blue tube top in her full-length mirror. It wasn't nearly as good as her favourite skirt would have been, but it was going to have to do. Pulling on her black leather knee-high boots, she subsequently sat down at her vanity mirror and began to apply obscene amounts of make-up. When she was finished, she looked as if a parrot had exploded on her face. With that, she was satisfied. Taking up a glass of low-fat milk and nothing else (she had a figure to keep up, after all, and skipping breakfast was a sacrifice she was going to have to make!) and slinging her school bag over her shoulder (it was quickly turning into summer, and she had no need for a coat) she ran out the door and made her way to school.

As soon as Kagome swung the high school doors open, she awaited the reaction she received every morning–male adoration.

"Hey, Kagome."

"What's up, Kagome?"

"Kagome, that skirt's really hot!"

Kagome fluffed her hair. "Hey, boys. Thanks for the compliment!"

For you see, Kagome's newest hobby was seduction, and to prove that she was the best, she had staked her claim on all the young boys' hearts. By now, Kagome had slept with every boy in school, if you can believe it. No really! Don't you believe me? And you can be damn sure she was proud of it, too! It was a bloody fine accomplishment at her age!

Jakotsu, sitting in a classroom reading, waiting for the first class to begin and minding his own business, heard what the narrator had just said.

"What do you mean, Kagome's slept with every boy in school?" Jakotsu demanded.

I mean, replied the narrator, that Kagome has slept with every boy in school. Case closed.

"No, look, that's impossible," Jakotsu countered. "She can't have possibly slept with every boy in school. She sure hasn't slept with me!"

Now THAT'S what's impossible, said the narrator. No one has ever turned Kagome down.

Jakotsu put down his book and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "I don't think you quite understand... I'm g–!"

EVERY boy in school...! interrupted the narrator. She began shaking a fist at the hapless Jakotsu.

So, regardless of a few certain people who remain in denial–

Jakotsu glared at the narrator, which took a great deal of talent, considering the narrator was invisible–

–Kagome was, indeed, the skankiest h–er, that is, the pimpinest playgirl this side of the Great Lakes.

"Yer damn right!" Kagome shouted to no one in particular. She received some odd looks, but merely batted them away with her eyelashes.

As soon as Kagome got her books out of her locker, she made her way straight to her first class. Not because she was worried about being tardy, but because it always took her at least five minutes to sit down, either because her jeans were too tight or her skirt was too short. She may have been a playgirl, but she certainly wasn't about to go flashing everyone in sight as she sat down.

Oh, heavens, no.

So, after Kagome had finally gotten seated with no unfortunate mishaps, the teacher came in and began the class with an unusual announcement.

"Today," addressed the teacher, "we have a new student. I'd like you all to meet Inuyasha Taisho."

Kagome watched as the new student walked shyly into the class. The feature that caught her eye instantly was the thick mane of silver hair that cascaded down his back. He was rather tall and nicely built, but his physique was visually diluted thanks to his slumped posture. His business-like slacks and dress shirt, complete with crooked bow-tie, along with a pair of thick-framed glasses with lenses like coke-bottle bottoms, were less than flattering.

Kagome immediately scoffed at this newcomer. 'He's clearly a nerd. Definitely not my type. Probably not interested, anyway. Not worthy of my affections.' At the thought of such a serious word as "affection," Kagome then snickered at the idea that she, the playgirl extraordinaire, would use a word such as "affection" for her male conquests. There was no room for real love when it came to being a player!

I'M SURE THIS STATEMENT WILL NOT HAVE AN IMPACT IN THE UNFOLDING OF THE STORY AT ALL.

A delicate finger poked Kagome's shoulder from behind. It was her friend Sango, who aspired to become a glorious player such as was Kagome's calling. Kagome humoured the poor girl by letting her in on her playing secrets. Sango was a fast learner, but had unfortunately not yet mastered the art of walking in six-inch high stilettos. There was little hope for her in the future if she could not handle basic skanky footwear.

"Why don't you try working your charms on him, Kagome?" Sango suggested, smirk playing upon her features.

Kagome glanced again at the boy at the front of the class, waiting patiently for the teacher to finish introducing him. "Are you kidding? He wouldn't go for it. You can't play a nerd. It's undignified. You'd do well to remember that. Where's your notebook?"

Sango pulled out a miniature spiral notebook labelled "101 Secrets to Skanky Success" and began jotting down some notes on a blank page. "Okay, got it. But still, you're the best playgirl in the tri-county area! I bet you could do it."

Kagome gave her hair a little flip. "Oh, Sango, you flatter me. You're right, I probably could do it, being the skilled seductress that I am. But...you know...tradition..."

"Make it a dare, then!" Sango giggled.

Kagome cocked a carefully plucked-and-penciled-in eyebrow. "What's the stipulation if I don't do it?"

"You'll die!" Sango grinned, just as perky as if she was talking about going to the amusement park.

"Really?" Kagome asked, taken slightly aback. "Are dares that powerful?"

Sango nodded very seriously. "They are. Drop out of a dare, and bam! You'll just drop dead on the street! That's why you must never drop out of a dare. The Spirits of Doom and Dares... They're watching us..." Sango ducked her head a bit and looked back and forth, paranoid.

Kagome did not like the idea of dropping dead because of the, er, Spirits of Doom and Dares... She kept glancing over at Inuyasha, debating if she should accept the challenge. The thought was tempting. It was not in her personal interest to play a nerd... But, what did her personal interests matter? She was a player! The best player in the school district! It was time to break with tradition! Kagome was going to seduce this Inuyasha, no matter how tough a nut he proved to be to crack. After all, she could not safely say she had slept with every boy in school if she missed this one poor soul who had only just arrived.

From somewhere in the back of the classroom, Jakotsu's eye twitched.

"Inuyasha, there's an empty seat next to Kagome," said the teacher. "You can sit there."

Wordlessly, Inuyasha made his way to his seat. Kagome was ecstatic.

As soon as Inuyasha had sat down and put his school things in his desk, Kagome leaned over. "Hi, new guy," she purred. "My name's Kagome. What's yours?"

"The teacher just said," Inuyasha replied, cocking an eyebrow and leaning slightly in the opposite direction of the girl with too much makeup. "It's Inuyasha."

"I know," said Kagome, fluttering her eyelashes a little. "It's just part of the introduction."

"Ah," Inuyasha said, if for no other reason than to be polite. "O...kay..." Inuyasha turned his eyes back to the front of the class.

Kagome was shocked. A boy would rather pay attention to class than to her! No blush? No stammer? No drool! Most boys would kill to have a seat next to her! In fact, some guy Naraku had done just that last week, which was why the seat next to Kagome was empty in the first place.

Kagome leaned over to Inuyasha even further, gracing the students passing by the window outside a view they really didn't need to see.

"I was just thinking," Kagome whispered with a disturbing twinkle in her eye that would have made even Miroku shudder, "I'm a girl, and you're a boy... And you know what boys and girls like to do together, right?" On that note, Kagome began lifting her eyebrows up and down, tilting her head just so and leering in such a way that made a shiver run down the spine of every stereotypical anime pervert within a thirty mile radius.

Inuyasha thrust his hand into the air. "Teacher! Kagome's having a seizure!"

"I am not having a seizure!" Kagome protested. Unfortunately, she had been leaning over so far that she fell right out of her chair and onto the floor, effectively smacking her head on the tile and rendering her unconscious.

* * *

When Kagome awoke later, she found herself lying under the sheets of an infirmary bed. She remembered she had passed out earlier, and began to wonder who had brought her to the infirmary.

"Oh, good. You're awake," said a familiar voice at her side. Kagome turned her head to see that Inuyasha sitting next to the bed, his eyes super-magnified from behind his glasses into a blur of gold, white and black.

Kagome was still feeling a bit fuzzy. She lifted a hand up to her temple and rubbed. "Where's Sango?"

"You mean the girl who sits behind you?" asked Inuyasha. "Last I saw her, she was scribbling something in a notebook."

'Idiot,' Kagome thought exasperatedly. 'You weren't supposed to take notes on that embarrassing performance...'

With that thought, Kagome immediately remembered her dare. She was alone in a room...with Inuyasha...with a bed handy. Could it get any better?

Kagome gave a groan and held the back of her hand to her forehead.

"Wh-what's wrong?" Inuyasha demanded. "Are you okay? Maybe I should go get the nurse–"

"No!" Kagome exclaimed. "All I need...is you..."

Inuyasha blinked behind his oversized spectacles. "Wh-what? What do you need me for? I don't know first aid!"

"First aid won't cure what I have..." Kagome sighed, breast swelling with her laboured breaths.

Inuyasha placed a hand over his mouth and let out a small gasp. He leaned forward, brows knitted in deep concern. "Do you have herpes?"

"No!" Kagome snapped, glaring at him. Inuyasha leaned back, startled. Kagome returned instantly to her wilting-flower act. "I feel warm... And my heart beats so fast... But for some reason...it only happens...when I'm around you, Inuyasha..."

"Uh, really?" Inuyasha inquired, puzzled. "We just met ten minutes ago."

"Yes, but..." Kagome croaked, "...I can't even remember what life was like for me before that time ten minutes ago when you walked into our classroom."

"You have amnesia!" exclaimed Inuyasha, shrinking in horror.

Kagome had to fight from slapping her own forehead at the boy's ridiculous naïvete. "I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say here."

"Well, I think you need to be a little more specific than 'I feel warm,' 'my heart is beating so fast,' and 'I can't remember what happened ten minutes ago,'" Inuyasha grunted, gesturing his hands in a frustrated manner. "It sounds like you're going through menopause, but I don't think that's it, is it?"

Kagome pushed the stiff hospital sheets down her body a bit and leaned forward. "Inuyasha... I... I think I'm in love with you..."

"Maybe you're having a hot flash..."

Inuyasha slid slowly off his stool, and backed away as Kagome advanced. "I want you... I need you..."

"Or possibly a nervous break-down..."

"Mmmmm, Inuyasha..." Kagome lusted thickly. "Right here, right now, in this school infirmary... Make love to m–!"

"I'LL GO GET THE NURSE!" Inuyasha screamed. He was out of the infirmary in an instant. His stool spun around several times on one leg before toppling to the floor.

Kagome stared, blinking, at the empty space that only moments ago had contained Inuyasha.

She clenched her fist and narrowed her eyes. "Nobody turns down Kagome Higurashi... No one!"

* * *

Kagome knew her time to seduce Inuyasha once and for all was nigh. She spent all the night before preparing for what was to come today...

Picture day.

Oh, yes. Kagome was dressed to the nines (although due to budget cuts, she could only dress to about the fives, but you get the picture.) If her midriff-baring halter top, cut-off jeans and thigh-high boots didn't catch his attention, she didn't know what would!

About now you may be wondering how Kagome could get away with taking a school photo in such a raunchy get-up. Well, do you remember when I said that Kagome had slept with every boy in school? Strike that. She had slept with every man in school, too.

Please draw your own conclusions.

So, Kagome carried herself proudly into the school and headed straight for the gym, since school photos were taking place during first period that morning. As she found a place in line and fluffed her hair a bit, she glanced around the gym in search of her prey.

She did not see him when he came in. Instead, she heard him. Not him, exactly, but the commotion made as soon as he walked through the double doors.

There was a lot of squealing going on behind Kagome, and naturally curious about the cause of the disturbance, she took the effort to turn her head a few degrees to inspect the situation. What she saw made turning her head seem well worth the effort, indeed.

Dressed in a casual-yet-stylish red suit with a matching tie and a soft, white, cotton dress shirt was...could it be? Was it really Inuyasha Taisho? What had he done with his glasses? He wasn't wearing them, that much was certain, and where they usually sat were a pair of striking golden eyes lined with thick, snowy lashes. Likewise, his hair was as white and velvety as the virgin snow, still worn down but primped and brushed to perfection.

"In-In-In-In-In..." Kagome spluttered, until she finally managed to shriek, "INUYASHA!"

Inuyasha's head whipped around and spotted her standing in line, and with a short shriek of his own, vanished into the crowd. He was still a bit shy about their last encounter, it seemed, poor lad.

Kagome's eyes had nearly popped out of her head, but since she still kind of needed them for a while, she tried to keep them securely in their sockets. Inuyasha...he wasn't a nerd at all! He was...well, quite simply put, he was one of the most–no, THE most gorgeous specimen Kagome had ever laid eyes upon.

She felt a strange fluttering in her chest at the memory of the image of Inuyasha walking into the gym, that endearingly shy expression mixed with that classically handsome visage... Kagome was uncertain whether to contribute this fluttering to heartburn or premature ventricular contractions. She had not eaten anything for breakfast that would have caused heartburn, and Kagome had no idea what a premature ventricular contraction was, despite the use of the complex term by the author.

So then, what was this feeling? Could it be...? No, it couldn't! Not Kagome! Not the baddest playgirl west of the Nile River Delta! Kagome could not have possibly...

...fallen in love...!

OF COURSE NOT. WE CAN SAFELY IGNORE THIS REVELATION. REALLY. I'M SERIOUS.

'What am I going to do!' Kagome lamented. 'I'm a playgirl... Rule number one of the Player's Code is never to fall in love with the people you play... I'm...I'm a failure!' With this thought, Kagome shook her head thoroughly. 'No! I mustn't think that way! I'm the baddest playgirl this side of...of...I can't think of any more places I'm on a side of! DAMN THIS CRUEL WORLD!'

Everyone in the general vicinity could not explain the wordless, exaggerated bodily expressions Kagome was performing on the floor of the gym. Some of the theatre students wondered if it was contact improvisation 1, but not even that was quite this disturbing.

* * *

Kagome drudged through the hallway at school the next day. Not even the boys' compliments were cheering her up, though they were duly noted. Her shoulders were slumped, and she trained her makeup-framed eyes towards the cold tile of the corridor.

Now, logic would dictate that such a posture is not only bad for one's spine, but also inhibits one's ability to see where one is going. However, Kagome did not especially feel like being logical today, nor particularly safe, as she rounded a corner and ran headlong into someone who was also rounding that corner in the opposite direction.

I'M SURE IT IS NO ONE OF ANY IMPORTANCE.

"Oops... Sorry..." Kagome murmured with little conviction. Though the strain and effort nearly caused her to lose her balance, she risked upturning her gaze ever so slightly nonetheless. Doing so caused a startling jolt to shoot down her spine.

She had bumped into Inuyasha.

The last person she wanted to see–let alone bump into–on a day such as this. He stared at her from behind his thick lenses, still slightly frozen from the shock of having nearly been trampled on. It finally dawned on him who had just headbutted him, and the result was the two staring at each other in something that resembled disbelief. A moment later, one's eyes strayed away from the other's, unable to meet each other's gaze. The blood vessels in their faces dilated slightly (or for those of you with a vocabulary limited by romance novels, a pale blush dusted their cheeks.)

After a lot of carrying on in silence and blushing and shifting gazes, Sango walked past and gave Kagome a slap on the back.

"Hey, how's the dare going?" called Sango jovially. "Got that nerd into the sack yet? Stiff upper lip, girl, I know you can do it!"

Kagome and Inuyasha immediately snapped back to reality.

It was Inuyasha who spoke first: "What did she just say?"

"N-nothing!" Kagome squeaked. "Sango didn't just give away a seedy plot intended to further my career as a player and potentially cause you a great deal of ire and embarrassment should you ever find out about it!" Kagome slapped a hand over her mouth at what she had just blabbed. It was surprising what dribbled out of there when she wasn't careful... This much was certain after an unfortunate incident involving spaghetti-o's when she was five years old.

"You... How could you!" Inuyasha shouted. "I could tell you were a shady character with no respect for yourself or anyone else from the moment I met you, and I never liked you anyway, but for some reason it feels like you've ripped my heart from out my chest and crushed it beneath thy pointèd heel of treachery!"

Kagome blinked. "Wha...?"

"Sorry..." apologized Inuyasha. "I start speaking in Shakespearean English when I get angry..." He pulled an asthma puffer out of his pocket and started inhaling like mad.

"Please, you have to understand!" Kagome pleaded.

"What's to understand!" Inuyasha interrupted. "You played me for a fool!"

"But wait..." said Kagome slowly. "I _couldn't_ play you. You wouldn't fall for it! How can you say I've played you, then? I mean, I _tried_ to, but that doesn't mean I succeeded."

"Enough of your serpent's tongue, woman!" Inuyasha cried. "I mean–shut up! That's not important to the plot!"

For some inexplicable reason, everyone in the hallway started walking very slowly. Inuyasha brought his hand up, as if moving it through molasses, to finally land on Kagome's cheek with a deep, drawn-out SLAP! Spit flew very slowly through the air from Kagome's mouth.

"Huh... Slow-mo abuse..." Jakotsu commented randomly. "That's actually kind of sexy."

As soon as everything had sped up again, Kagome clutched at her assaulted cheek and stared at Inuyasha, shocked and hurt.

Inuyasha blinked. "Wow... I don't even care what you think of me... And yet I bitch-slapped you in the middle of a busy school hallway. How does that work?"

A figured cloaked in shadow and, uh, a cloak, chuckled evilly behind a row of lockers. "It is the will of the author! Hehehe... Dance, my puppets...dance!" With that, she ran giggling down the hallway squealing something about yaoi.

"I-Inuyasha..." Kagome whispered. Screwing her eyes shut, she turned and fled from the scene. She shed but a few pearl tears, which miraculously flew from her eyes as she ran and stayed suspended in mid-air for a few seconds.

Inuyasha stared after her. "Kagome!" he called, as if he had regretted his choice to whomp her in public. He was indeed regretful, even though he didn't actually care what Kagome did, whether it concerned him or not. This apathy had spontaneously changed to anger at her blatant insensitivity, which had in turn spontaneously changed to concern for her feelings.

He glanced down at the label on his puffer. "'Warning, may cause rapid mood swings and good grammar.' Dammit! So you're the culprit! This thing is dangerous. Although, it could still have its uses... Where'd that author go who was here a minute ago...?"

* * *

Several people that next day were asking around why Kagome wasn't at school. But in fact, as these people were soon privy to find out, Kagome was at school, but something was quite amiss.

Barely recognizable in her new outfit, Kagome did the opposite of what she always strove to do–stand out. Dressed in a baggy beige sweater, baggy blue jeans, no make-up, and her hair done up in a braid, no one would have recognized her without close scrutiny.

Yes, it was true. The greatest playah in the very cosmos had toned it down a notch. Pulling a 180 in her wardrobe, Kagome was dressing down, straightening up and flying right (she would very much have liked to do something to the left, but sadly found nothing appropriate.) Her actions in the past had caused the rift between her and Inuyasha, with whom she had spontaneously fallen in love, and this simply could not be let alone to seethe and boil like a boiling cabbage, bitter and boiling on its boiler and spewing steam of mistrust.

Just as Kagome was congratulating herself on a metaphor well-done, she turned the corner of the hallway and stopped dead. Luckily, the stars were aligned just right and she did not actually bump into the person who was rounding the corner in the other direction, as unsuspecting characters are wont to do in high school fanfics with a degree of convenience and accuracy that would make a professional bumper car driver green with envy.

Also stopped dead in his tracks and standing mere feet away from Kagome was Inuyasha. Only, Kagome had to peer intently for several moments to confirm for certain that this was, indeed, Inuyasha, and not some pimp who bore an uncanny resemblance.

Due to the wonder of optical illusion, he appeared about a foot taller than he actually was. The cause of this illusion seemed to be a combination of the three-inch platform clunkers and a vertically-pinstriped suit. The hat he wore also seemed to contribute to the illusion, being so incredibly large and pimpin' you could spot him on a deserted island 500 miles out to sea, which would be extremely useful if he ever found himself trapped on a deserted island–as unsuspecting characters are wont to do in lemon fanfics with a degree of convenience and passion that would make Captain Jack Sparrow throw his own pimpin' hat down into the sand in indignance.

When the light hit him just so, the bling Inuyasha wore both around his neck and on his fingers shone so brightly that Kagome was nearly blinded. It was no wonder that Inuyasha had put the finishing touch on his ensemble in the form of dark sunglasses.

"I-Inuyasha?" Kagome stammered, staring in disbelief at the man with so much style it hurt (literally–unbeknownst to Kagome, he had the thong marks to prove it.) "What's all this?"

"I could ask you the same thing, beeotch–I mean, Kagome," Inuyasha replied. "Foschizzle mah nizzle, girl, you're lookin' as humble as da bumble in those threads!"

Kagome blinked.

Inuyasha scratched the back of his head. "Well, at least my Shakespearean English problem is cured... But that still doesn't explain why you're so dressed down today!"

"Or why you're so dressed up!" Kagome shrilled. "I decided to change who I was so that you would like me, because if Grease has taught us anything, it's that you should avoid being yourself if it's for the person you love, because they will probably never love you for who you really are!"

Inuyasha nodded his head. "That is so true..."

"And so I thought," Kagome continued, "that I should become a responsible student, and not play around so much anymore. I know that's what got you upset at me before, so I'm discarding it from this day forward."

"Really?" Inuyasha asked. "You'd do that for me?"

Kagome nodded, fluttering her eyelashes a bit. It was tough to break the habit.

Inuyasha barked a laugh. "That's so weird... Because _I_ thought that it was because I was so stubborn and straight-laced that our relationship became so awkward. If I could just roll with the punches and be Cool, like the Gwen Stephani song, I wouldn't have gotten so upset. I should be flattered that someone would risk invoking the wrath and fury of the Spirits of Doom and Dares just to have a shot at me. That's why I thought I could be a playah, just like you. Or, at least, just like you _were_."

"So," Kagome giggled. "You were trying to be like me to make me feel better...and I was trying to be like you to make you feel better?"

"Looks like!" Inuyasha said with a chuckle.

And so, the two began to laugh. And they laughed. And they laughed some more. They knew not how long they laughed, only that they laughed.

"HEY!" shrieked Jakotsu. "That's cheap! You used that joke last time! You're a terrible author!"

Suddenly, Jakotsu magically found himself transported into the girls' locker room. Oddly, the only screams heard were those of Jakotsu.

Inuyasha and Kagome laughed all throughout the day, neglecting their classes and chortling on into the night, when the halls were dark and empty.

An old man in a green striped custodian's uniform with "Totosai" embroidered in gold italics on the breast, a scraggly beard and bulbous eyes, came sweeping by, accompanied only by his old, trusty broom, Hilda.

"Kids these days..." he murmured. The echoes of laughter followed him down the hall. And haunted him to the end of his days. Okay, maybe not.

END.

* * *

1 Ceech, Spacewolf, anyone else in G's drama class...you know what I'm talking about. 


	3. Family Reunion

A/N: Hey folks, Spacewolf here! It's my first chapter of this new story and I have to say, I like how it turned out. Which is odd, usually I hate my own stuff! In this chapter I just wanted to see if I could represent how pointless a story can become by adding in too many 'family members.' Not to say, a few strategically placed OCs will damage a story (lord knows I've done it!) but OCs have a habit of rapidly stealing the spotlight. That and I got to be ridiculous. I would also like to add that I am well aware that 'Boy-Kanna' has a name of his own. Do I know it? No. Do I plan on finding out or remembering it? No. Why? Because his pointlessness offends me. He's just Kanna with a penis folks so I will always refer to him as Boy-Kanna. And also, PS, NAOKI AND KATSU ARE MINE! The others you can have. BUT LEAVE THEM TO MEEEEEE!

A/N (Calum the Angel): Well, apparently the live editor hates me tonight, so I'm introducing a delightful new linebreak! My originality astounds me. Har har har.

**linebreaklinebreaklinebreaklinebreaklinebreaklinebreaklinebreaklinebreaklinebreaklinebreak**

"DIE, INUYASHA!" Kagura bellowed, slashing with her fans.

"Shoot!" Inuyasha hit the ground, ducking a surge of power that blew over his head.

"Rargh!" a watery gurgle was cut short.

"Sorry, Miroku!" Inuyasha winced to his best friend, who'd received the full brunt of the attack.

Miroku gave him a weak thumbs up from where he lay in a crumpled bleeding pile.

Sango engaged Kohaku, her younger brother, beating him violently about her head with her large boomerang.

"Quit hitting yourself!" she jeered. "Quit hitting yourself! Quit hitting yourself!"

"Ow!" Kohaku whined, putting his hands up to defend himself. "Ow, stop it! Stop it; I'm telling!"

Naraku was not holding back any longer.

He towered, humanoid only to the waist, while the rest of him was bulging and slithering and vaguely resembled a spider. Beside him, hovering on her feather, was Kagura, whose cold red eyes waited for a weakness she could use to exploit.

Kanna stood back as well, her mirror held tightly, ready for action.

Boy-Kanna stood off to the side and tried to look menacing.

He failed.

"We can't win!" Kagome gasped as she held her bow in her right hand, leaning heavily on it. Her skirt was ripped and slitted from the battle. Her blouse was torn half away. She looked conveniently sexy, though slightly dusty. "He's brought out the whole damn family! We're screwed!"

"Never!" Inuyasha proudly picked himself up from the dirt. "Now that I've found my contact lens which I dropped–"

"Yeah, right," Shippou muttered safely from the sidelines.

"–I shall smite you!" Inuyasha declared in a powerful voice.

"No, Inuyasha," Naraku purred seducti... cough I mean evilly. "No, it is I who shall smite you! For I am the great and powerful Smiter McSmity! And you shall be so smoted you shall not believe the degree of smiting I'm about to smote you with!"

Naraku took a second and then nodded, backing up his declaration.

He raised one clawed hand high into the air. "Now prepare to be smated!" He shook his head, his claws hesitating. "Sm-smoted! Smoted?" he frowned "Smited? Smoted?" he was testing out which word was the best. With a nod he said firmly. "Smited! Prepare to be smited!"

An arch of pink glittering sparkles, showering like fairy dust, bisected Naraku's arm.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, rubbing it. "Jeez!"

Suddenly Sesshomaru stood there.

"You shall not harm him!" he thundered, thrusting to point with his sword at his raven haired foe. "You will not rob me of the satisfaction of killing my own brother, Naraku!"

Kagome blinked in surprise at having the sword leveled at her.

Rin and Jaken hurried forward, took hold of Sesshomaru and turned him so he was threateningly pointing at Naraku, then they dashed away.

"Like I said before!" Sesshomaru growled. "I'm killing him, so you can go home now!"

"Sesshomaru, you idiot! Why didn't you use the Tokijin instead of the Tensaiga? You could have killed Naraku with the Tokijin, you had perfect shot!" Inuyasha bellowed furiously.

"Look, brother," Sesshomaru said calmly. "I drew a sword and I slashed the bad guy. Not my fault I drew the wrong sword, okay? These things happen!"

"Why are you even here?" Naraku demanded Sesshomaru, still miffed about his arm ache.

"Brother's death will be by my hands, and no one else's!" Sesshomaru bellowed. After a pause he added, "Besides, I don't like you."

"Fine," Naraku pouted. "Then die beside your precious brother scum!"

He made a slashing motion, and a torrent of power surged forward. Sesshomaru prepared to block.

Before the blast could even hit the elder of the two brothers, a lithe form somersaulted out of the air and landed in front of him. Giving a delicate cry it slashed back at Naraku with its ten foot long katana.

Naraku's power was blasted back on him, and he and his "children" were knocked back.

Standing in the dust as it settled was a tall, delicate young woman. Her silver hair was pulled into two loose pony tails. She was scantily clad with small bits of armour, including a band bearing striking resemblances to the one over Sesshomaru's shoulder. She turned and regarded those behind her with humourous satisfaction in her golden eyes.

"I was afraid I'd be too late," she said. She sheathed her long sword in a scabbard that did not fit it. Just as Inuyasha's Tetsusaiga did however, it shrank to fit the accommodations.

"Who are you?" Inuyasha demanded.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome scolded. She hurried forward. "Whoever you are, thanks."

"Don't mention it," the young woman replied, tilting her head back. She was delicately boned and quite beautiful. She was obviously a youkai.

"I am Hiruka. My name means "far away" because at my birth, my father sent me away. He feared his enemies would find me. I waited and waited for him to send for my return when all was safe, but it was not to be. He was slain, and I became forgotten."

"Your sword..." Kagome stammered.

Hiruka nodded.

"Yes, the Tetsumaru should seem familiar. After all, you have seen its kind before."

"Who was your father?" Sesshomaru demanded harshly. "I have made it my practice to know all demons powerful enough to challenge me. For you to be so strong, your lineage must have been great."

Hiruka titled her head up proudly. "My lineage is the greatest. My sire had many names, but you would know him best as 'father.'"

"What?" Inuyasha gasped disbelievingly.

"Before he met your mother and fell in love," Hiruka began as she circled Inuyasha, "he was mated with another demon. A fellow dog-demon. My mother. When I was only six, our father's enemies killed my mother. He sent me away with his trusted advisors where I would be safe. He died before he could summon me home. When I grew powerful enough, I returned to this, the land of my birth to find him, or at the very least to find my older brother, Sesshomaru."

She turned and glanced at the aristocratic demon, who watched her impassively. She turned back to Inuyasha.

"I never would have dreamed that I would return to find a younger brother as well. A hanyou no less."

Inuyasha bristled at what could have been an insult.

"Okay," Naraku whispered to Kanna, Kagura and Boy-Kanna. "Now!"

The three of them took the opportunity, presented by Hiruka's shocking revelation to launch an attack on the unsuspecting do-gooders.

Before they could get very far however, a brilliant pink whip of energy circled Naraku's wrist and dragged him back and burning his flesh.

An orange whip and a purple whip too lashed out, wrapping around Kagura and Kanna, dragging them back as well.

A rock was thrown at Boy-Kanna.

"Ow!" he whined.

"Brother!" called a deep and impressive voice.

Everyone turned to see a trio clad in white kimonos, two of which wore their hakama (pants) needlessly high. Each twirled a whip of energy dangerously.

In unison they leapt high into the air, and then landed at the base of the convenient cliff they'd been standing on.

Each bore tiger like marks on their faces and wrists.

Each had an elegant and cold bearing with merciless golden eyes. Two were male, one was female; you could tell because she had huge boobs under her kimono. She was also not wearing hakama (pants).

They also looked an awful lot like Sesshomaru.

"So it's true," the leader of the trio said in a cold voice. "The half-breed Inuyasha is your brother. And you have not yet slain him."

Sesshomaru turned to them, and regarded them coldly.

"You call me brother?" he demanded dangerously.

"I do," the leader said in a slow, eerily similar voice to Sesshomaru. "When Inutaisho discarded our mother, you mother as well, she wandered, hate twisting inside her. Eventually she came across a powerful neko demon, and together they produced us. I am the oldest and I am called Yasuo. My brother is Udo."

The demon wielding the orange power whip bowed ironically.

"Our sister is..."

"Kita," she interrupted her voice cold and harsh.

"We have heard rumours that our half brother, the dog, is shamed by a mutt bearing his line and we have journeyed to see if this is truly the case," Udo said, grim humour in his voice. "Would you care for some assistance, older brother?"

Sesshomaru sized up the three of them, and then turned back to Inuyasha, and Hiruka.

"It seems I have more siblings than I originally believed," he said serenely. "A pity. I trust you're here to get in my way as well? Well, that just means I have more of you to destroy!"

"Foolish elder brother," Kita scolded, approaching Sesshomaru with a sway to her hips. "We are not here to challenge you." She grazed the claws down his cheek, pressing against him.

Sesshomaru remained completely still, chanting in his head, 'Maybe if I don't move... she can't see me..."

Kita continued, now playing with his hair. "Quite the opposite. We are here to be of service to you. To aid in the destruction of the worthless mutt, or do whatever else you may require of us."

Sesshomaru gave his supposed half a sister a fish-eyed look.

"Are you coming on to me?" he demanded her.

"No, she's just a slut," Udo replied with a humorless grin and a shrug. "Cats; we're naturally promiscuous."

"Really?" this revelation greatly interested Miroku who had recovered from the beating he'd taken from Naraku's blast attack earlier.

Speaking of Naraku...

"Super-Extending-Spider-Arms!" Naraku bellowed the name of his attack.

Before his clawed fingers propelled along by his stretching limbs could rend flesh, a purple light flashed down, severing them.

"Ouch!" Naraku cried in pain. "Shoot!"

He eyed his severed arms, the elongated stumps spurting blood.

"Damn, I can't even pick them up!"

"Ha-ha Naraku!" A young woman with her hair pulled into two large fluffy pig tails and clothed in an incredibly short kimono now stood between Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Hiruka, Udo, Kita, Yasuo, Inuyasha's now fairly unimportant friends and Naraku's gang.

"I'm Kimiko!" she declared,. She looked no more than thirteen or fourteen, though the large glaive she wielded was large enough for a troll. "And I won't let you hurt my brothers, or my sister, or my brother's brothers and sister! Because family is the most important thing ever!"

"When I grow my arms back, I'm going to wring your little neck!" Naraku screamed furiously. "Kagura! Get my arms!"

"Sorry," Kagura was now seated on her feather, filing her nails and chewing bubble gum. She blew a bubble obnoxiously at Naraku. "I'm on break!"

"Kanna?" Naraku turned to the little girl.

She was oblivious to him as she simply stared into her mirror with great wide eyes. Unblinking, unmoving, unbreathing and unbelievably creepy.

"Someone pass me my arms!" Naraku pouted.

Kimiko turned around and grinned cheerily at the growing group behind her.

"Hey, Inuyasha!" she exclaimed. "Sesshomaru! I'm your younger sister!"

"But...you're a demon... dad died after I was born..." Inuyasha frowned.

"That's right Inuyasha," Kimiko agreed in a her cheerful voice. "But only half right! I'm not a youkai! I'm a hanyou! See?" she pulled her pigtails to the side to reveal two large ears which had blended almost perfectly in with her silver hair. "Only fourteen years ago, there was an uprising. Bandits allied with mountain trolls and tried to take over my mother's kingdom. Desperate, my mother, a miko, turned to the dark spirits. She raised the specter of your father from the dead to help her kingdom battle the bandits and mountain trolls. Inutaisho sired me with the miko Kamiki on the night they defeated the bandits. He's returned now to the land of the spirits, but I remained in my mother's belly until I was born. Now my mom's dead, and I need you to help catch her killers. Which is why I'm here. I suspect Naraku played a part in her untimely demise."

"Sure," Naraku pouted still without his arms. "Blame it all on the unarmed man!"

"I will also join your cause, sister," Hiruka declared.

She seemed much calmer and steadier than Inuyasha or Kimiko, much more inclined toward's Sesshomaru's serenity. "For the call of blood will not go unheeded while I still yet draw breath!"

"Yeah, you do that," Sesshomaru replied in an uncaring tone. "I'm going to kill Inuyasha now... or maybe Naraku..."

Sesshomaru squinted, pointing from Inuyasha to Naraku with the Tensaiga. "Eenie... meenie... miney... MO!" He frowned at the outcome and then continued. "My. Mother. Said. To. Kill. The. Very. Best. One. Cause. She. Was. A. Hateful. Per... ...Son. So. I'll. Kill. YOU!"

"M-me?" squeaked Boy-Kanna. "Bu-but I'm Naraku's human heart! And a mind reader."

"Yes, but your pointlessness offends me," Sesshomaru answered reasonably. "It's almost as if some greater power decided to throw you in to draw things out even longer and to cause further problems for Inuyasha."

He sighted along his swords blade and narrowed his eyes coldly.

"Now, die!" he whispered.

As he brought the arching sword down, several things happened at once.

Kagura blew an impressively sized bubble from her gum. Kanna became so comatose and freakish, she actually started leaking Creepy. Inuyasha, knowing that Sesshomaru still held the healing sword, followed Sesshomaru's movements with his own sword, to land a killing blow on Boy-Kanna since his brother wasn't going to. Hiruka, who had noticed the pink sword did not kill also prepared her ten foot katana for a fatal blow as well. Tasuo, Udo and Kita readied their poison whips to do Sesshomaru's bidding. Kimiko, who was just so frigging happy to join in the Dog-Demon games, also slashed with a powerful attack from her glaive. Kagome readied a sacred arrow and Shippou farted.

Powers surged and blinded all who stood there. The multicolours of each's individual unearthly powers blended, blasting into Boy-Kanna. The weird combination of Kagome's sacred arrow, the Dog-Demon powers and the Neko-Demon's whips, not to mention Kanna's Creepy and Shippou's gas caused a strange chain reaction which made Boy-Kanna implode. . . and rip a hole in the time space continuum.

"It's just as I feared," sighed a deep voice from their midst.

Everyone turned to stare at the tall lankly bespeckled demon. He had long silver hair, wore shimmering white robes, and carried a staff in one hand and a book in the other.

"And who the hell are you?" Miroku demanded him, startled to find the scholarly looking demon standing right next to him.

"I am Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's cousin, Katsu," the newly come demon answered as he shifted his staff to the crook of his arm and adjusted his glasses meditatively. "When Inutaisho became ruler of these lands, my father, driven mad with jealousy, sought to destroy your father and challenged him to a fight to the death for these lands."

He lapsed into silence, merely contemplating the Hole in Everything that had formed because of the weird combination of powers. It was a black mark in the air which caused everything around it to waver and crackle with strange black energy.

"And then what happened?" Sango prompted.

Katsu glanced at the demon slayer.

"He got his ass handed to him," Katsu responded. "Still..." he again turned back to the Hole in Everything, which no one else seemed concerned by, "Inutaisho felt loyalty to me, since I was pup, and so he provided for me all my life. He lead me away from the path of a warrior and instead encouraged me to become a scholar, so that I might not be a threat to his sons, but an asset."

"What about your mother?" Inuyasha demanded. "Couldn't she look after you?"

"She died," Katsu answered, his voice expressionless.

"Really?" Kimiko's eyes swam with tears for the tragedy of this newly discovered cousin. "Oh, my god, that's so sad! Was she killed by enemies? Mine was!"

"No," Katsu sighed, somewhat regretfully. "She died of the plague."

"I thought demons couldn't get sick though!" Miroku protested.

"The Demon plague," Katsu elaborated. "It's like the bubonic plague, only for demons and much, much worse."

"Um... Excuse me!" Naraku called from the other side of the Hole in Everything. His voice was snide, but sort of wounded. "Look sorry to interrupt but... BAD GUY PRESENT!"

"Yeah?" sneered Inuyasha. "What are you going to do? You don't have arms!"

Naraku's mouth fell open.

"Ouch!" he said, sounding genuinely hurt. "Ouch, Inuyasha!"

"Yeah, that was kind of outta line really," Kagome fretted. "I mean low blow."

"Shall we dispose of him for you, brother?" Kita offered Sesshomaru. "Shall I rip off Naraku's head, spill his guts and bring his body to you as a gift?"

Sesshomaru glanced at her.

"Go make out with the monk or something," he suggested.

Miroku's eyes brightened.

Kita also seemed to like this idea, because with a purr she advanced on Miroku.

"While she's distracted and the enemy is weak, we should destroy him," Udo said, reading his orange power-whip. "Strike while the rod is hot, so to speak!"

"Is your rod hot?" Kita could be heard, murmuring to Miroku.

Sango was gripping the hilt of her seldom used katana tightly, murder in her eyes and on her mind.

"Yeah, well bring it!" Naraku shouted threatening. "Cause we can take it! Right guys?" He looked around. "Guys?"

Kagura glanced at him. "Still on my break," she told him flatly.

"Kanna?" Naraku turned to the girl and cried in disgust. "Aw, Kanna you're getting Creepy over everything!"

Kanna did not reply.

"I would not recommend continuing this now," Katsu suggested. "For you see, that is a Hole in Everything. I have read about them in my studies. It shall, for a time, play with the temporal and physical world. Time and space will fold back upon this point and use it as an index until it rights itself."

Crickets could be heard chirping.

Katsu glanced around and realized he'd stumped the band.

"Some weird shit's about to go down," he translated.

"Oh," like a light bulb going on, understanding suddenly shone on everyone's face.

"So what kind of weird shit?" Miroku asked. He gasped suddenly as Kita's hand went under his robe.

"No idea," Katsu admitted.

"Wait a second!" Kagome cried out. "I see something! Moving!"

Indeed it was true, for out of the Hole in Everything, there appeared a figure. A person, a young man, dressed in a Japanese school uniform, with black hair, sporting white streaks in it landed on his hands and knees.

He glance dup and gasped in amazement.

"Mom? Dad?" he cried out, staggering a few steps forward. "You guys look so...so young!" He spun around and stared at his surroundings.

"Who's this tool?" Inuyasha asked.

The boy gasped.

"Dad," he cried out. "Don't you recognize me?" he took a few more steps forward. "It's me... Ichiro!"

"Ichiro?" Kagome demanded. "Inuyasha! You have a son?" she demanded furiously. "Sit boy!"

Inuyasha was slammed to the ground.

Ichiro gasped.

"The Word of Subjugation!" he exclaimed in amazement. "You told me about that! When you guys were..." he turned back and stared at the Hole in Everything. "Then he turned back to Kagome and Inuyasha, who lay moaning on the ground. "When you guys were younger, mom had this word of subjugation she used on you." Ichiro gulped. "I've gone back in time!"

It was only now that the silver hanyou ears in his hair became noticeable, carefully hidden in the white streaks.

Someone else stumbled through the Hole in Everything.

This time it was a young woman wearing a frighteningly short red sleeveless kimono. In fact, it looked more like someone had cut the arms off Inuyasha's Robe of the Fire Rat and decided it was suitable.

"Hiromi!" Ichiro exclaimed. "We've come back in time! And what did you do to Dad's robe? He's going to kill you!"

The silver haired demoness glanced in amazement at the full blooded demons and currently unimportant various humans before her.

"Mom?" she demanded eyeing Kagome. "Love the skirt! And since when are your boobs so perky?"

Kagome exclaimed in horror and crossed her arms over her chest.

Ichiro dragged his sister forward towards Inuyasha, who was eyeing the pair suspiciously. He could tell from their scent though that they were indeed his own children.

"You are mine, aren't you?" Inuyasha said wondering. He saw in their features his own likeness, and Kagome's.

Kagome too drifted over, curious as well.

"You're so young," Ichiro marveled.

Inuyasha saw what Hiromi was wearing and his eyes darkened dangerously.

"What the hell did you do to my robe?"

Hiromi tilted her chin up defiantly. "Made it better," she said argumentatively.

"You're so grounded!" Inuyasha growled threateningly.

"You're not my dad yet!" she replied, sticking her tongue.

Through the Hole in Everything, another person appeared.

This was a elegant looking young woman, with fair white skin, dark eyes and a very red mouth. She wore a billowing dark purple kimono and had voluminous black hair. She carried a delicate looking doll in her arms.

"Kiyoko," Ichiro whispered in what sounded almost like fear as the woman stepped closer. Her face was as serene as a mask's.

"You know her?" Kagome demanded.

"Yeah," Hiromi sighed, sticking her hip way out to one side and pouting.

Normally Miroku would be enjoying this amount of flesh displayed...but he was currently trying to wrestle Kita off, her advances having gotten a little rough.

"Jeez! No means no!" he grunted.

"I am indeed Kiyoko," the newcomer declared. Her voice was flat and serene. "And it is a strange torrent of fate that washes me upon this shore of time. That I should rest, as a fragile leaf against this rock of strife in the time stream to stand here before you, before my conception."

"You look really familiar," Inuyasha muttered, leaning forward. He exclaimed. "Hey, you've got golden eyes like me..."

"I have my father's eyes," Kiyoko told him in her solemn voice.

"Yeah, and they're kinda like mine..." Inuyasha agreed, really interested. He blinked. "You know who you remind me of? Kikyo!"

"As well I should," Kiyoko," answered. "For I am that miko's daughter. The fury that stained her heart at death pales before your face as the very moon pales before the sun. And as the moon is overcome by its better, so was my mother overcome by you. By moonlight, beneath a temple of trees you consummated the marriage of your souls."

"Wait a minute!" Kagome exclaimed. "You're Inuyasha's daughter with Kikyo?"

"I am," Kiyoko answered. "But the union of a demon and a dead woman brought forth strange forces. I am the Doll Sorceress. As I am the final blow to you, the final bloom of their love, I am too Kikyo's final doom. For you see, it was giving birth to me which finally killed Kikyo."

"Death in childbirth is terrible," Hiruka said in a saddened voice.

"Yes," Kiyoko agreed. "It was too much for her and under the pain, she cracked."

"Birthing pain has driven women mad before," Yasuo replied in a cold voice as if to say 'what makes you so special?'

"No," Kiyoko explained. "She cracked. She was made of clay and she cracked."

She tilted her head to one side.

"Of course, it did not help that I have a twin."

She stepped aside and looked expectantly into the Hole in Everything.

Behind her stepped a tall man, also wearing a purple kimono with voluminous dark hair. His eyes however were crimson red.

"Hey, that's me!" Naraku exclaimed, excitedly shuffling over, his arms forgotten like he'd been for half this story.

"Your son, Naoki," the man corrected in a deep voice. "The union of Demons and Dolls is complex. Somehow, though you had lain with Kikyo—"

Naraku exclaimed under his breath. "Knew I was gonna get some from her!"

"Before Inuyasha—"

"Even better!" he chortled gleefully.

Naoki continued, ignoring Naraku. "Kiyoko and I were born simultaneously. As twins, though with different fathers. It was you, Naraku, who raised us to be the ultimate weapons against your foe. Weapons we could not be."

Inuyasha was horrified to hear that he was going to sleep with Kikyo only after Naraku had. Kagome was horrified to find out Inuyasha was going to sleep with Kikyo at all.

"Why couldn't you kill them?" Naraku demanded with a whine.

"Because," Naoki answered, his red eyes suddenly burning. "I would not raise a hand against my love."

That said, he strode purposely past all others, knocking aside various newly introduced family members with dedicated purpose. Towards where Miroku was being pinned by Kita, trying to keep her hands out of his robe still.

"Miroku," Naoki called to the man on the ground in a strange emotional voice.

Miroku looked up anxiously.

"Ugh, look you're not really my type..." he explained with a weak sickly smile.

Naoki kicked Miroku in the side.

"Swine!" he spat and then swept around him to grab Sango and pull her against him.

"My love!" he bent his head and took her ear lobe between his teeth.

Sango, completely taken aback, did not have the fastest reaction time.

"My lovely Demon Slayer," Naoki's hands traveled over her as boldly as Miroku's were wont to do at times. "I know not what blessings caused the gilded fates to withdraw from others to give me such a gift, to see you here, now... fragile, trusting, untouched by the unworthy monk. Know that I shall not waste this opportunity to make you mine as you are meant to be."

He swept her into his arms, holding her close.

"Come," he told Sango, who was staring at him like a two headed... something that should only have one head. "Let us make mad monkey love upon yonder knoll and let our first child be conceived, not in five years, but now. For my desire for you is great and my patience is little!"

"Five years?" Sango demanded him. "If you're Naraku's kid..."

"They grow up so fast don't they?" Naraku sniffed, beaming like a proud mother. "It seems like only yesterday Boy-Kanna was a lump of my human heart, then a mind reading baby, and now look at him! He's been blasted all the way to oblivion!"

"I shall return after thoroughly ravishing Sango," Naoki promised. "For there is much I would ask you all. But for now, the heart that beats within me bids me claim my one-day bride."

"I don't really know you..." Sango was protesting as he carried her away.

"You will soon enough," Naoki replied without a care. "And we shall be married...in time." To the others he called out, "Look for me at sunrise on the seventh day! For I shall not be done until then!"

He then began briskly walking away to do adult things with Sango who was trying to reason with him, but who wasn't really putting up much of a fight to be completely honest with you.

"Sango!" Miroku protested.

"You have me now!" Kita purred, violating Miroku.

"I can't believe you have a kid with Kikyo!" Kagome exclaimed at Inuyasha, tears burning her eyes.

"I can't believe Naraku had a kid with anything!" Inuyasha admitted.

Next out of the Hole in Everything stumbled a young woman with pale silver hair which she wore in a high pony tail. She had blood red eyes and carried a bladed fan.

"Well," she said in an unimpressed voice. "This is nice..."

It wasn't hard to guess her parentage. She was a mirror image of Kagura, though she bore stripes upon her cheeks.

"I suppose you're mine?" Sesshomaru asked her.

"Yes," the girl answered. "I am Kazumi." She eyed everyone warily, pacing away from the Hole in Everything. "Naraku will soon kill Kagura, my mother. But not before you and she have..." she trailed off and quirked an eyebrow. "Well, you know." She opened her fan with a snap and peered at everyone over the blades almost coyly. "Of course upon her death, my mother was freed and she became the free wind. I too became the wind. I followed you on your travels and when I was strong enough, I wove myself a body, the body that had once grown within my mother's womb. It was years after when I had the strength to materialize in front of you. You knew I was your own and took me in."

"I have a habit of doing that," Sesshomaru admitted, glancing back at Rin who was playing a fun game of Let's Roast Jaken With His Own Staff!

Kagura probably could have used the heads up about her impending death, but she'd left a note on her feather that said "gone to lunch," and was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, three rough looking boys stumbled through the Hole in Everything. They all had Kagome's black hair, and wore them in pony tails, though they dressed in wolf skins.

"Hey, mom!" the tallest called to Kagome.

"Who are you?" Kagome demanded. She shrugged, deciding that since they'd called her mom, she had a good guess. "You don't look a thing like Inuyasha..."

"'Course we don't!" the third one laughed. "Kouga's our dad! Remember? You and Inuyasha separated for three years and you hooked up with Kouga!"

Ichiro was nodding sadly.

"That was a really hard time on everyone," he sighed.

"The counselor at schools says that's why I'm an attention seeker," Hiromi pipped up helpfully.

"We're Koji, Koichi and Kouja!" the youngest looking one said with a grin. They all had Kouga's mannerisms.

"We separate?" Inuyasha demanded.

"Don't worry," Hiromi drawled. "You guys got back together! And had a couple more kids. Look! Here they come now!"

Twin boys that looked eerily similar and bore striking resemblances to Inuyasha with Kagome's eyes, and another girl, that looked exactly like Kagome, only with canine ears.

"Madoka and the twins Seiichi and Seigi," Ichiro explained.

"I'm going to get a mocha cappuccino," Naraku decided since he obviously didn't have a point anymore. "Come on, Kanna."

Right behind Kagome and Inuyasha's latest batch of kids, a boy and his younger sister stumble out of the Hole in Everything. Both had brown hair and open, slightly dopey grins but Kagome's features.

"Hey, mom!" the boy called out embarrassingly. "We're Hojo's kids!"

"Hiro and Haru," Hiromi explained. "Same thing as Koji, Koichi and Kouja, only this time with Hojo." She spied Inuyasha's face becoming incredulous. "No worries dad, you guys got back together again. If you would just control your temper..."

Next out of the Hole in Everything was a busty red-head.

"Daddy!" she cried cheerfully spying Inuyasha. "Hi!"

She skipped over.

"When you and mom split up and she slept with Kouga, you slept with Ayame, my mom. Weird huh?"

Inuyasha stared at the wolf demon with a cocked eyebrow.

Next, out of the Hole in Everything, over twenty silver haired children of various ages stepped out. All had slender builds and crescent moons on their foreheads, and fluffy things on their shoulders.

"Wow," everyone blinked at this sizable brood.

"Dad," drawled Kazumi, snapping her fan shut. "Allow me to introduce you to your other children."

"Good lord I'll be busy in the future," Sesshomaru remarked with some expression on his face.

Expressions were so rare on his face, no one knew exactly what it was.

"Well, Kagura was mostly to tide you over until Rin grew up," Kazumi shrugged. "But once she his sixteen..." Kazumi laughed. "Boy, lemme tell you!"

She indicated the twenty some offspring of Sesshomaru, who all stood fairly expressionlessly. Male and female; sometimes it was harder to tell which was which.

"So I did all that with Rin?" Sesshomaru wondered. He cast his glance back at Rin, who was still eight years old in his time line, and oblivious to what was going on. He nodded his approval and then turned back to Kazumi.

"You want to know their names?" she asked him.

"I'll find out when they're born," Sesshomaru shrugged disinterestedly. "Why ruin the surprise?" He turned to the children. "Kids, go pick flowers," he suggested.

They dispersed to do so.

All but one; a son, he thought. One of the older ones. He strode over to where Inuyasha's children stood.

Hiromi surged forward, seductively.

Sesshomaru's son and Inuyasha's daughter were suddenly in a clinch. They clutched at each other, kissing passionately.

Everyone else just stared.

Finally the lovers parted and turned to their respective parents.

"This is my love, Tamakimaru," Hiromi explained. "Your hate for one another is still so strong in the future that you objected to our love."

"I'm sure hate isn't the real reason they objected," Kagome began, with a sick smile. "After all, you're cousins..."

"And Tamakimaru and I had to keep our love secret and when I became pregnant with his child we were cast from your homes and shamed. I stand before you now, your younger selves, pleading for our love. Don't let your hate consume you until you can no longer even allow your children to love. Do not turn us into the demon Romeo and Juliet!"

"Brother," Sesshomaru called to Inuyasha. "I'm almost certain we could join forces at least long enough to say, as a united front, 'ew.'"

Hirmi and Tamakimaru then stumbled out of the field, kissing and grappling with each other, fumbling to tear the other's clothing off.

"So gross..." Inuyasha sighed.

"So," Uncle Bob had stumbled across the scene. The large demon bit into an apple and balanced a huge battle axe on his shoulder, eyeing what unfolded before him with skeptical eyes. "What's happening, exactly?"

"Nothing too unusual, Uncle Bob," Sesshomaru explained. "Rip in the time space continuum. Standard stuff really."

Uncle Bob nodded and kept watching with interest.

From within the Hole in Everything, out stumbled a sexy looking fox demoness.

"Shippou's daughter, I presume?" Kagome demanded the demoness, trying desperately to forget about everything she was learning right now.

"No," the demoness answered. "Actually I'm Nana, and I'm Inuyasha's daughter."

"But you're a fox," Inuyasha protested.

"When Kagome died, as all humans must eventually," Nana explained in a cool voice, "you met my mother, the powerful fox demoness. Sparks flew and here I am."

Kagome stared at Inuyasha in open hurt.

"You got over me?" she demanded in a teary voice.

"Got over Kikyo, didn't I?" Inuyasha muttered under his breath.

"What?"Kagome's voice had an edge.

"Ugh... I can't imagine I would!" he exclaimed loudly with a panicky laugh.

"Sit boy," Kagome pouted.

Inuyasha was slammed into the ground.

The final form to come through the Hole in Everything was a stooped, skinny figure clad all in baggy red clothing.

It leaned heavily on a knobby cane and shuffled forward.

"Oh, my god, Inuyasha..." Kagome whispered in disbelief. "It's... it's you!"

"That's right, Kagome," the ancient hanyou wheezed squinting. "Ah! You did always have the best boobs of all, Kagome!"

He shuffled closer and closer to Inuyasha, looking him up and down with critical eye before he reached into a pocket and produced a package.

He shoved the brand-new box of Trojan Condoms into Young-Startled-Inuyasha's hands.

"For the love of God," Old-Inuyasha wheezed. "Wrap that rascal up!"


	4. Punk'd

A/N (Super Ceech) Gah! It's finally here. Sorry for the long wait, guys. This chapter did NOT cooperate. Well, it did, at parts. The beginning was definitely on my side. And then the middle decided to turn on me. I manage to wrestle back control a little further on and well...I think the fic will speak for itself. Thank you to HatakeHitomi for giving me the reminder that I really should write this theme. Everyone else, enjoy!

* * *

Kagome was a punk.

She was a real rebel. She had some problems in her life, but no one knew any other side of her than her fast-talking, quick-quipping, sweetly sarcastic rebellious one. She pulled ingenious pranks on the school all throughout the year. She always gave the teachers lip. She stuck it to the man. No one talked back to her unless they wanted to get a verbal thrashing. She wasn't the most popular or most liked person at the school, but no one messed with her. She was the baddest punk Shikon High had ever seen.

...Or else, she would have been if she weren't still in character.

Kagome Higurashi actually had _no_ problems in her life and the personality she showed everyone was the only one she had. She was a kind-hearted, sincere girl who wasn't the smartest or the stupidest, but did her best and was happy for it. She would occasionally raise her hand to answer a teacher's question, but was always polite and respectful. Everyone loved talking to her because she was so nice and had such a sunny personality. If she could help you in any way, she would, and that's a fact.

Now, she _was_ a punk. And a cutter. But she only cut herself because her life was so deliriously happy, she felt she needed something to be going wrong in it. If fate wouldn't deliver her unfair circumstances, she would just have to help it out.

As for being punk, she simply liked the style. And black was her favourite colour. The colour black represented all of the colours of light being absorbed and uniting peacefully with one another and the thought that that could represent all of the human race just tickled her pink! Now, there was another reason she was punk but that was due to a secret no one else but she herself knew about. But we won't get into that right now. The marvellous plot that lies before you mustn't be ruined at the very beginning!

Now, our story starts, as you may have guessed, at a school called Shikon High. There were fifty gajillion other high schools by that same name in the nearby fandom, but we're concentrating on this _unique_ one today.

The school was split up into various stereotypical social groups, as only fictional high schools can be. As it were, only three categories were defined: Preps, Punks and...Assorted. Those of the Assorted group were a minority and for the most part, completely ignored. Preps and Punks, however, were known to be mortal enemies and easily took up 7/8 of the school's population. There happened to be many more Preps than Punks, though, so that the Preps could arrogantly rule the school as a part their birthright, and Punks could feel angry and oppressed as a part of theirs.

As poignantly stated above, this Shikon High was different than others. This was due to mysterious deaths that kept occurring within the school grounds, and even during school time without any show of slowing down the school's activities whatsoever – because that's just the kind of upstanding police force they had in that city! These deaths didn't happen often enough to instill some healthy fear or caution into the students' hearts, only to alert them to some vague disturbance in their fabulous high school lives.

In any case, we're going to cut that train of thought short and tactfully jump to a new topic because this author knows how to _subtly_ foreshadow.

So. As was implied above, Kagome the punk attended this mysterious school of Shikon High. She was in grade ten and feeling pretty good about it. She had some really interesting courses and her half-cheerful half-angsty gothic best buddy Sango was taking a few of them with her. Nothing seemed too changed from last year and for the sake of variety, Kagome was almost sad to think nothing _would_ change (I emphasize _almost_ here because aside from her cutting, Kagome couldn't be happier with her life!).

That was, until the day _he_ came.

_He_ revolutionized everything at Shikon High from the moment he walked through its main double doors. _He_ made all the girls swoon and _his_ amazingly high grades made all the teachers love _him_. _He_ was extraordinarily charismatic and whenever _he_ walked down the halls of Shikon High, there wasn't a head that wasn't turned in _his_ direction.

But enough about Lennard. _He_'s not one of the main characters of this story.

As it so happened, another new young "gentleman" came to the school that September. His name was Inuyasha and he was beyond a doubt a prep. But like Kagome, he didn't let his social status intrude upon his personality. He was rebellious, rude and completely devoid of manners or social tact. His grades were mediocre and he only wore his sweater vest and slacks outfit everyday because his brother wrestled him into it. But make no mistake – he was a prep through and through.

To prove this, the very second day Inuyasha arrived at Shikon High, a plethora of cheerleaders followed him around and he classically picked the head one to be his girlfriend. Guess who it was? Come on, you'll never get it! Kikyo??? How could you ever have guessed? I thought I was being so original and clever! This is like the worst day ever! I hate life! I hate preps!

Suddenly, down a dark corridor, a first place trophy for football came crashing down from a top shelf straight onto some poor sucker – I mean, stupid prep – I mean, trend-follower's head, killing them instantly.

Ahem...ANYways...so yeah... Inuyasha started dating Kikyo. AND LET ME SAY A FEW THINGS ABOUT KIKYO. She always wore a really really really short miniskirt and skimpy little tops that hardly concealed anything and hooker boots and pounds of make-up, including eye-liner and eyeshadow and bright pink lipstick and way too much blush and and and...any other make-up she could think of! Oh, and she slept around a lot so no one liked her because she was a hateful hateful being...but she was so totally fantabulously popular that everyone wanted to be her!

A tall boy fetching things from his locker briefly rubbed his fingers to his temples as the author's self-contradictions started to give him a headache. Suddenly he glared up into space. "I, Sesshoumaru, do not get headaches." With this, he shut his locker and briskly walked off in the opposite direction. A flying hole-punch nearly did him in, but he side-stepped it smoothly just in time.

Ah, Sesshoumaru. A few things must be said about this student. He was, as cameo-ed above, Inuyasha's older brother – the one who wrestled him into his prep-appropriate clothing every morning. He himself had been at Shikon High for his full high school career and was just now in his final year. He was the greatest prep the school had ever witnessed and had more fanclubs in his honour than all the other jocks in the school combined.

Whether or not it was related to his high and respected status, Sesshoumaru ran into many more lethal "accidents" than anyone else. It seemed the perpetrator of the mystery killings at the school had their sights set on the lead prep. It was just such a shame that the great Sesshoumaru was always one step ahead of these..._mishaps_. He had never gained so much as a scratch and the incidences seemed to have gradually increased in frequency. But now that he had successfully dodged the now-harmless hole-punch, Sesshoumaru decided to heed a summons he had received from the vice-principal.

When he arrived at the office, the said vice-principal was waiting for him, a silent brown-haired girl at his side. "Ah, Sesshoumaru, good. Well, as you're the most responsible student at this school, I've decided that you have to be the one to show our new student around for the next few weeks until she gets acquainted with everything here. She's a Japanese exchange student and doesn't speak a word of English. I didn't know who else to turn to, frankly!" the man laughed heartily.

Sesshoumaru stared blankly back at him. "I don't speak a word of Japanese, _sir_."

The vice-principal shot him a puzzled look. "Are you sure? I could have sworn..." When Sesshoumaru shook his head, he continued, "Ah, well! Like I said, I don't know anyone else who might be able to speak it! Go on, I'm sure you two will figure something out. Uhhh...Rin?" At the sound of her name, the girl lifted her head and looked questioningly at the man. He began making wild gestures to indicate that she should follow "Sesshoumaru. Seeessshooouuumaaaruuu."

Rin kept gazing back at the older man in confusion, but as soon as she caught sight of Sesshoumaru, her eyes lit up. "KAAWAAII–II! Neko-chan!"

Sesshoumaru blinked at her then turned on his heel, intending to head for his next class. He could hear Rin fall into step behind him, slightly off to his left. Then she continued to babble at him in the language he couldn't understand. "Watashi wa denwa bango desu ka!"

"Your mother must be proud," Sesshoumaru said dryly as he continued on his way, not having understood anything she'd said, and not really caring either.

On his way, he happened to pass two arguing people in the hall.

"Yes, I DO have a point in this story! I swear on my life, my precious Sango!" the boy ranted. He wore baggy black cargo pants and a tight purple t-shirt. One had difficulty distinguishing whether he was a punk or prep.

"Well, Miroku, I'm having a hard time seeing what it is," the girl said in irritation. "And until you figure it and your social status out, I can't hook up with you! So stop calling me your precious Sango, you pervert!" And with that, she delivered a mighty slap on his cheek.

Miroku was speechless for a moment before he saw a miscellaneous boy with long white hair saunter pass. "Wait!" he cried. Quick as lightening, he reached out and grabbed the boy by the arm, causing him to stop. "I'll be this guy's bestest pal! I'm sure HE has a point and through our affiliation, I'll have one too!"

Sango looked at the white-haired boy in shock and horror. "_Miroku...!_" she said in a scandalized voice. "That's a...that's a...that's a **_PREP_**!"

Miroku gave the boy a once over. "Er...so he is..."

"If you're his friend, you've automatically made yourself a prep too!" Sango continued. "And I am clearly in the punk category. You _know_ punks and preps can never co-mingle, much less..._date_. What _were_ you thinking?" she finished by screeching.

Miroku stood gaping at her for a moment before the boy beside him snatched his arm out of his grasp. "Can I go now?" he asked irritably.

With a huff, Sango spun on her heel and stalked off. "Sango, wait!" Miroku tried calling after her, but was stopped by the white-haired boy.

"Jeez, what's your problem, anyway?"

Miroku turned back to his new companion, sighing and shaking his head. "Ah, nothing. Want me to be your token nondescript best friend? The name's Miroku," he said, sticking out a hand.

"Er...sure, I guess," the boy replied, taking his hand and shaking it. "Inuyasha."

"Good then. Shall we mosey on to class then?" Miroku said genially, taking the initiative and walking off.

"Who the hell says 'mosey'?" Inuyasha wondered before running to catch up to his newfound friend.

As it just so happened, the two boys had the exact same class that period. In fact, they had the same class as each other every period. God/the author was just that kind.

Once everyone had been seated and the bell rung, the teacher started handing back assignments they had submitted a few days earlier. When his name was called, Inuyasha went up to the front to receive his paper.

"Here you go, Inuyasha. You really seem to be improving in comparison with the marks your previous school sent over. You received an A on this assignment. Well done," the teacher congratulated with a smile.

"Bullshit..." Inuyasha muttered under his breath.

"What was that, Inuyasha?" the teacher asked, a hard gleam coming into her eyes.

"I said this is bullshit!" Inuyasha said loudly, glaring back defiantly.

"I will _not_ tolerate that kind of language, young man. And you got an A! What more do you want?"

"How about some goddamn respect?" Inuyasha shouted, slamming his palm down on the table.

Just as the teacher was about to respond, the door of the classroom burst open and a raven-haired girl dashed in. "Oh! I'm sorry I'm late, Ms. Hikaru. No matter how hard I try to make it to class on time, my punkitude cuts in and I simply _can't_!"

The teacher sighed, her attention diverted from Inuyasha who stormed back to his desk. "That's alright, Miss Higurashi. Just come receive your paper and then sit down so we don't waste anymore class time."

Back at Inuyasha and Miroku's desks, Inuyasha was still sputtering in indignation. "An A?! This is perposter...prepos...preeposter... Ridiculous!"

Miroku eyed his best friend speculatively before looking away, muttering, "From that alone, it's obvious that this class isn't English..."

"Ms. Hikaru!" the late girl's voice rang out in dismay. "My desk has mysteriously disappeared from yesterday to today! Where will I sit?"

Ms. Hikaru's eyes narrowed in on the white and black-haired boys sitting innocently in the back. "Miroku!" she barked. "Move so Kagome here can have your seat."

Miroku gaped at her. "Bu-but where will I sit then?"

The teacher glared at him. "You've obviously taken up too much time in this story. Stop fooling yourself into thinking you have a point around here. Now go home so I don't have to deal with you anymore."

Head hung, Miroku shuffled dejectedly out of the classroom.

"Damn...there goes our comic relief..." Inuyasha muttered as Kagome sat down next to him, flashing him a smile. He glared back. She ignored it.

"Hi!" she greeted him brightly. "My name's Kagome. What's yours?"

"Keh! Inuyasha. Haven't you noticed we've had this class together since the beginning of school?" he asked rudely.

"Oh, wow! Sorry, it's in the punk code to ignore preps until they're right in your face. I mean, you can insult them from a bit of a distance, but I'm not really into that so I just stick to the ignoring thing...gets me in less trouble with my kind." All throughout her speech, Kagome kept smiling brightly at him.

"Uhhh...speaking of which, why exactly are you talking to me?" Inuyasha asked pointedly with a raised eyebrow. "Remember the prep punk invisible barrier thing?"

"Oh!" Kagome exclaimed, eyes widening. "That's right! Sango won't be very happy with me... But I'm sure it'll be alright if we just talk about school related matters, don't you think? And it'll just be for today, 'kay?"

Inuyasha scoffed. "What, you think I need _your_ help when it comes to school? Just shove off, wench!"

Kagome's smile turned into a scowl. "Why you! I don't need you insulting me! I _was_ going to warn you about who not to mess with in the school in order to keep you out of trouble, but you can forget it now! You're on your own if you run into Naraku somewhere!"

Against his will and desire to push this usually friendly girl away, Inuyasha's interest was peaked. After a few moments of internal struggle, he finally muttered, "Who's Naraku?"

Kagome had her own struggle, but in the end couldn't resist such a direct question. Leaning over, she whispered, "He's...well, he's somewhat of the school's hippie..."

Nothing could have confused Inuyasha more. "Somewhat? And how can a hippie be trouble?"

Before Kagome could respond, the classroom door burst open once again to reveal a boy wearing baggy torn jeans and a shirt that said "Love Thy Neighbour." His long black hair had hemp braided throughout it and various necklaces sporting peace symbols hung loosely from his neck. He ran into the classroom and leapt onto the teacher's desk, hurling earth awareness literature at the students.

"Love the Earth, dammit!" he screamed furiously at them. He suddenly caught sight of a jock playing with a rabbit's foot keychain in the front row of desks. Obviously deciding the boy was the perfect target to let out his fury, the violent neo-hippie whipped out a knife and lunged at the unsuspecting student. Stabbing wildly at the jock while the other boy tried to dodge, he shouted, "Eating meat is wrong! Fight war not wars! Don't fight, fuck! Why. Can't. We. All. Just. Get. ALONG?" His last few words were punctuated by a violent thrust at the jock who received a deep wound in his defending arm. Screaming bloody murder, the jock ran out of the room in terror.

The teacher sighed. "Naraku, kindly take a seat, please," she drawled. Naraku nodded, handing her his tardy slip and then sitting down in the now empty, blood spattered seat. He slumped down in it casually, leaning back in total ease.

Inuyasha gaped upon the scene. "Frikkin' psycho!" he muttered in disbelief.

"And that's Naraku!" Kagome told him matter-of-fact. "He has quite the reputation. Did you know that three cheerleaders were rushed to the hospital last week by having received pro-Earth pamphlet injuries?"

"Bu-bu-but that's not normal!" Inuyasha spluttered.

Kagome shrugged. "Well, neither is a friendly punk or a rebellious prep, but you better not tell the author that."

Inuyasha nodded mutely.

"Anyways, you probably haven't run into Naraku yet because of his hippie nature. He tends to skip most classes. I'm surprised he even showed up today," Kagome informed him, filling in the plot hole conveniently.

Suddenly the two characters realized they had forgotten to experience their lust at first sight. Inuyasha quickly made note of Kagome's lavish raven black hair, her sparkling chocolate "orbs" and perfect complexion. Then he eyed her heaving bosom and dangerously short skirt to make up for lost time.

Meanwhile, Kagome spied his long, irresistibly soft-looking silver mane of hair and his deep soulful golden amber eyes that she felt herself (gracefully) drowning in. And for such a situation as this, she tapped into her x-ray vision to view his chiselled pecs and washboard abs, drooling at the appropriate moments.

After coughing and indulging in copious amounts of obvious blushing, the two hormone-driven students managed to make it through the rest of their class without anymore mishaps. Angry at themselves for being attracted to one another over the clearly defined line of do-not-crossage between preps and punks, they marched on to their next class only to see they were both going in the same direction.

"And just where are _you_ going, wench?" Inuyasha said disdainfully as they each tried to outpace the other.

"Family Studies," Kagome said proudly. "What about _you_?"

"Ugh...same. We better not have to sit together again, is all I'm sayin'."

True to his bad luck, when the two arrived at their next class, every seat was taken except one pair of empty desks...directly adjacent to one another. With a frustrated cry, Inuyasha collapsed in one of the seats, blushing like mad when Kagome also sat down, her thigh brushing against his.

Most of the class was pretty dull, until the teacher touched upon...a fun new partner project! The entire class groaned as the over-used concept of two people taking care of an egg as if it were their love child was dragged out of the closet once again. Now, Kagome was originally going to be paired up with a nice boy named Hojo, and Inuyasha with a bright-eyed girl named Eri, but the author was finally able to arm wrestle fate into shoving Inuyasha and Kagome together once again.

This project promised to be full of mishaps and frequent, accidental situations forcing Kagome and Inuyasha together in compromising and awkward ways, all ultimately leading to the blooming of the beautiful and powerful flower of their love.

This hope lasted exactly seven minutes at which point the bell rang and class was dismissed. On their way out the door, Inuyasha nonchalantly tossed the egg up into the air and watched it fall to its doom with a slight yawn.

Kagome gaped. "What'd ya do that for, you stupid prep?"

Inuyasha scoffed. "It was a lame project. Don't tell me you _wanted_ to do it. Huh, Miss Punk?"

Kagome was torn between her true nature and her punk persona. "I–er...uh...well, I...! ...Hmph!" With that declaration, she spun on her heel and headed off to the cafeteria for lunch.

Despite this blatant move for separation, it wasn't long before the creative juices of the author got these two individuals to meet up again. Five minutes after Kagome left Inuyasha in the hall, she was stuck behind him in the lunch line to buy food.

"I swear, it's like someone is purposefully shoving us together today...this is just unnatural..." Kagome muttered bitterly as the author whistled innocently.

"Well, it sure as hell isn't me!" Inuyasha snapped. He turned around and shoved his face down to hers. "You think I'd want to get stuck this close to such a wench so much in one day?"

Kagome retaliated by shoving her face even closer to his. "Look who's talking, world-class jerk!"

At this point in time, their vocal cords were suspended as they finally noticed how close they really were and took this opportunity to get lost in each other's eyes. Everyone else took this opportunity to slink around them and take their place in line when neither of them moved.

Somehow their initial glaring contest deteriorated into love struck gazes and Inuyasha and Kagome, without a thought to share between them, felt themselves move even closer to each other...slowly...slowly...

"Inuyasha!" a voice barked harshly.

The guilty party spun around, red-faced, to see who had addressed the white-haired prep. Standing with hands on her hips and an army of girls behind her was a near Kagome-replica, if you didn't take into account their completely different clothing styles. This girl was dressed in a cheerleading outfit, complete with tight top and dangerously short miniskirt. Her hair was up in pigtails, her bangs straightened to perfection, and scads of make-up was spread across her face. Whether it was about the situation before her or what she was actually dressed in was unclear, but there was an air of intense dissatisfaction about the new arrival.

With a flat, monotone voice, she intoned, "Inuyasha...it is time."

Clearly confused, Inuyasha could only utter, "Huh? Kikyo?"

"Your life belongs to me," the girl stated cooly. "As your girlfriend, I command you to come with me..."

Inuyasha was starting to get nervous. Taking a step behind Kagome, he said, "Uh...where...exactly?"

Kikyo gaze shifted from her boyfriend to the punk in front of him. Kagome felt like she was slowly being frozen under her near clone's icy glare. "Leave this undignified _punk_, Inuyasha, and come with me. . .to our cafeteria table."

At this, Inuyasha relaxed and stepped out from behind his human shield. "Oh, well if _that_'s all. From the way you were talking, it was like you were going to take me to hell with you or something!" He let out a brash laugh.

"All in good time...all in good time..." Kikyo muttered under her breath as she turned around. "As soon as I am able to find a way...hell would be much more desirable than spending another minute dressed like this!"

"Did you say something, Kikyo?" Inuyasha asked as he followed in her wake. Kikyo waved him off as her army of preps trounced along behind them.

Finding herself now quite alone, Kagome bought her lunch and went to her corner table to eat with Sango, as was the daily ritual. Just as she sat down, the cafeteria fell completely silent, everyone's fearful eyes cast cautiously towards the door. There stood Sesshoumaru, cold, imperious, and evermore preppy. Behind him stood Rin, who was decapitating a flower she had found growing in her gym locker.

Sesshoumaru fixed his eyes on Inuyasha. "Brother!" he called out. "Give me your pudding!"

"No!" Inuyasha protested vehemently as Sesshoumaru stalked by, swiping his pudding anyway. "Hey! Give that back!" Inuyasha sprung to his feet and was about to dash after his brother when a legion of girls formed a wall in front of him, half of them sighing dreamily at him, and half at his brother. With a frustrated grunt, Inuyasha slumped back in his seat.

On the other side of the fangirl wall, Sesshoumaru addressed his charge. "Come, Rin. Jaken's reserved a table for us."

"Yoru gohan ikimasen wa nani sushiya ni asano yomimasu!" Rin chirped in response.

Sesshoumaru blinked. "...Yes. Exactly. Ah, here we are."

Before him was a normal cafeteria table, but covered in a floral print tablecloth, with plump cushions resting atop the seats. A short boy who was clearly not present when the rugged good looks were being passed out stood slightly off to the side, warding off anyone who looked like they wanted to sit down at this glorified table. When he spotted Sesshoumaru, he jumped excitedly and gestured frantically for him to sit down.

Sesshoumaru was just about to do so when a faint whistling sound reached his ears and he casually tilted his head to the side. A knife whizzed past his cheek, imbedding itself in the overeager boy's forehead. Sesshoumaru looked at him for a moment before sighing. "Ah, well. Better Jaken than me. But now I'll have to recruit someone new to do my dirty work...such a hassle."

Once a random janitor had dragged the unsightly mess of Jaken's corpse out of Sesshoumaru's view, lunch in the cafeteria continued on as normal. There was a small incident where a punk accidently brushed against a prep's apple and the prep then could no longer eat it, but the riot died down quickly and tentative peace resumed afterwards.

Just as lunch was nearing its end, a random redheaded punk girl came rushing up to Sango and Kagome's table. "Hey guys! We're going to play spin the bottle! Come on!" Before either girl could protest, the stranger grabbed their wrists and dragged them away.

Twenty seconds later, they found themselves plunked down in a random corridor in a circle mixed of punks and preps. Kagome was sure the world was on the verge of ending.

"How the _hell_ is this happening?" she nearly screeched.

"Never mind that now! There's no time nor sense to explain it!" the redhead chirped cheerfully. "Now just spin the damn bottle!"

As if her hand moved on its own, Kagome reached out and spun the bottle. In dread, she looked up from where the nose was pointing when it stopped. Yep. You guessed it. INUYASHA!

In the blink of an eye and in a whirlwind of movement, Inuyasha and Kagome felt themselves grabbed and jostled and finally released to find themselves in a pitch black closet.

"Seven minutes of heaven! Go!" came a muffled voice from the other side of the door.

"What in the world...?" Inuyasha asked, baffled.

"I think we're supposed to make out or something..." Kagome mumbled, suddenly very nervous.

"Weren't there rules to the game though...?" Inuyasha continued. "Like, weren't we supposed to kiss first or something, and if we picked each other again later, then–"

"What are you babbling about?" Kagome nearly screeched. "This is a FANFIC, not bloody _reality_! And as such, we're clearly bound by the code of Bottle Spinning to make out in this closet for seven minutes! Otherwise the Spirits of Hormone-Driven Games would come after us! Not to mention the Spirits of Doom and Dares!"

"Doom and Dares? This lands under their jurisdiction as well? I thought they only dealt with direct dares or bets!" Inuyasha wondered in astonishment.

"By agreeing to be in the Spin the Bottle game, you sign a silent contract with the Spirits of Doom and Dares to meet whatever conditions are required of you by being in the game," Kagome explained patiently.

"Wow...confusing..." Inuyasha said. Then the reality of their situation kicked in. "Whoa, wait! We're supposed to make out?"

"As much as the idea of kissing a prep goes against my punk code, it looks like we have no choice. Only an event of vast significance to the story can get us out of this. As such, I don't see any around..." Kagome trailed off.

"Well, we can't see much of anything in this bloody darkness," Inuyasha growled. "Let me just...turn on...the light," his words came out disjointed as he pawed around at the ceiling for a cord. Finally finding one, he yanked on it and light flooded the cramped closet. This inevitably displayed the distorted face of a strangled cheerleader hanging at the back of the small enclosure. "That _might_ be what you're looking for," Inuyasha uttered in disbelief.

Kagome's scream echoed throughout the school.

Half an hour later, the hallway was a complete crime scene, police everywhere and students clustered all around, trying to get a better look. Off to the side, one boy bitched to another, "Oh, sure. There are murders happening left, right and centre at this school and no one pays them any heed. But as soon as the _main characters_ find a dead body, the police are all over it! This sucks. I quit. I'm getting my paycheck and getting the hell out of this story."

Off to the side, Kagome was huddling in Inuyasha's arms. The police had just finished questioning them and were leaving them alone. Through this traumatizing event, they had inexplicably bonded. Or maybe they were still in shock. In any case, ever since Kagome had jumped into Inuyasha's arms out of fright, she hadn't left their embrace. Neither seemed to have noticed.

Slightly behind them, two students were whispering to each other. "What's with all these random murders, man?"

"Do you really think they're that random?"

"Well...you think they're all linked?"

"No...not exactly. But hey, I wouldn't say anything too loudly. You never know if you'll be picked out to be the next victim..."

"Do you have any idea who's committing the murders?"

"No... But there's a rumour..."

"A rumour?"

"Well...nothing's really known about the murderer. But I've heard that they're known as...'the author'."

"'The author'? Who's that?"

"I don't know, man, and honestly, I don't mean to ask too many questions. Like I said, you never know if you're gonna be the next to be targeted..."

Overhearing their conversation, Kagome paled and huddled closer to Inuyasha. When the idea finally clicked in her brain as to what she was doing, she jumped back as if burned. Inuyasha was also staring at her in disbelief. Suddenly, Kagome was aware she was in love.

Boy, that was quick.

Kagome shook her head in anger. Punks could _not_ love preps! The mere idea was inconceivable! Laughable! Impossible!

"_Due to the horrifying tragedy that has taken place today, classes will be cancelled for the rest of the afternoon_," a voice announced over the PA.

"Oh, good!" Kagome exclaimed, taking one last fleeting look at Inuyasha before dashing off in the opposite direction.

Outside of the crowd, Sesshoumaru shrugged off his varsity jacket and handed it to an Assorted nerd. Then, the tall prep walked off with Rin as the nerd put it on with glee. Not a second later, an anvil dropped on the unsuspecting boy's head. Sesshoumaru continued walking without looking back.

_Curse you, Sesshoumaru! How dare you trick me like that! I _will_ get you one of these days! You can bet on it! Killing the biggest prep will be my greatest achievement! Just you wait!_

Sesshoumaru kept walking.

Later that day, Kagome was at home angsting over her sudden and clearly genuine feelings for Inuyasha. She loved him. But that was impossible.

She was a punk. He did ballet–no, wait. He was a prep. Preps and punks couldn't even be _friends_, much less be in love. So the fact that she loved him was...ludicrous!

After spinning her brain and heart in too many circles to keep straight, Kagome decided she needed to turn to the only teenage cure-all.

The mall.

(But since Kagome was punk, only the punk-oriented stores 'cause she didn't want to be some sort of trendy prep or something.)

After setting her heart on this goal, she phoned up her buddy Sango and coerced her into going as well – it didn't take much, considering the sidekick is always at the complete beck and call of the hero.

Soon enough the two of them were wandering around the teenage haven when who should they accidentally bump into but Inuyasha and Kikyo! Oh, and Miroku was lurking somewhere behind them.

Sango and Kikyo immediately started ragging on each other's social status while Inuyasha and Kagome were left to simply stare at each other.

As she stood gazing at the boy across from her, Kagome became aware that she wasn't going to be able to ignore these strong feelings. Seeing the look in his eyes as he gazed back at her, Kagome understood he felt the same way about her. But what could they do about it? They were black and white, night and day, punk and prep. Their love...could it possibly bridge the gap between their estranged social groups?

Pish posh! Utter rubbish! A store clerk changing over a mannequin caught Kagome's eye, giving her a perfect idea. Pulling off a blue cardigan, the clerk then redressed the mannequin in a black shirt. Kagome snapped her fingers. "It's just that easy! I can change over Inuyasha like a mannequin 'cause it's not like he has feelings or anything!"

Inuyasha blinked from across from her. "Say what?"

"C'mon, Inuyasha!" Kagome said excitedly, grabbing his hand. "I'm gonna turn you into a punk so our love can be realized! After all, nothing says I love you like a healthy bit of not being yourself!"

Inuyasha shrugged. "I can't argue with that logic."

As they dashed off, the other three realized they had been abandoned. "Well, as fun as this is," Kikyo said boredly, "I am going to go home and put some clothes of substance on. I hopefully will not see you later." With that, she walked off.

It was only then that Sango realized that Miroku looked like one giant bruise. She gasped. "Miroku! Uh, even though I don't care in the least, what happened?"

Miroku gave a small shrug. "The author...she got me..."

Sango stared in disbelief. "But...then...how are you still alive?"

"She...she couldn't figure out whether I was punk or prep. So...she let me live at the crucial moment... I guess it's my second chance...a chance to mend my ways and shape up," Miroku responded.

A hopeful look spread against Sango's face against her will. "D-does that mean...?"

Miroku sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Yep...guess I'm declaring myself punk."

"YES!" Sango shouted, glomping the poor boy to the ground. "We can be together now! Everything will be perfect just as long as you don't–PERVERT!"

A mighty slap resounded through the mall and a bruised boy gained one more black and blue mark across his face.

Meanwhile, in another part of the mall, Kagome was waiting for Inuyasha to come out from behind a magic curtain, all punked out. When he did, BOY was he sexy. We're talking completely black clothes, even his boxers, which stuck out prominently over the tops of his saggy and falling down cargo pants. Chains were draped from all conceivable surfaces, often accompanied by multitudes of buckles, studs and spikes. Tattoos were everywhere on his body, the most prominent sporting the words, 'I'm too sexy for prep.' His hair was still the same length but had obtained destructive properties by way of an enormous spiked mohawk. Heavy black eyeliner adorned his eyelids, black nail polish decorated his fingernails (and probably his toenails too), and piercings covered almost every inch of skin to round out the whole punk image.

Dear lord, I hope you're all drooling along with me.

"Hahome?" Inuyasha uttered, trying to get used to the tongue piercing in his mouth. "Ah yoo sore 'is is da on'y way fo' us ta be toge'a?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so, Inuyasha. Not only are punks and preps _never,_ under _any_ circumstances, allowed to be together, but we absolutely can't be preps together," Kagome stated firmly.

"Wha no'?" Inuyasha asked, confused.

Kagome sighed and placed her hands on her hips. "I'm sure by now you've noticed all the murders that occur in our school. Hell, we experienced that first-hand this afternoon!" Inuyasha nodded, urging her to continue. "Well...haven't you noticed the trend by now? Who has been killed the most? Actually, who _only_ have been killed?"

Inuyasha thought for a moment before his eyes widened. "Pweps?"

Kagome snapped her fingers. "Exactly. Just now you figured out my deep dark secret as to why I'm punk. The author informed me before the story that she had it in for preps and I had better get the hell out of that social group if I wanted to live and be the main character. And now, since I have deemed you to be my one true love, I couldn't simply watch you continue being a prep until she eventually snuffed you! After all, the only prep's that's gotten away from her is Sesshoumaru!"

Inuyasha nodded slowly in understanding, "accidentally" skewering a preppy passerby on the end of his mohawk.

"I can only hope that now that I've given you a grotesque punk makeover, the author will overlook your former preppiness and ignore you from now. Well, I've done all I can for now. Only time will tell," Kagome said, shrugging.

What do you know – just such a test of acceptance came to them the next day at school. Inuyasha was walking through the music room with Kikyo, explaining in clipped speech why they could no longer be together (he was hoping by this point she had finally recognized him with his new look) when it happened.

Out of nowhere, a piano came falling out of the sky, straight towards the pair. At first it seemed about to crush both of them, but then it seemed to waver, as if in hesitation. Back and forth, and back and forth it went until finally...CRASH! It smooshed Kikyo flat, killing her instantly with a lot of blood to be seen. Inuyasha was left standing, perfectly whole, but a little rattled by what had just happened.

He didn't have much time to be in shock, however, for Kagome came bounding through the door, glomping him thoroughly. "Woohoo!" she cried in glee. "You're safe! The piano could've killed both of you but the author let you live! Your transition to punk is complete!"

"Yoo saveh ma life! I love yoo!" Inuyasha shouted, hugging her to him.

So there you have it. A heart-warming tale of a punk...and a prep who was turned punk in order for them to be together and save his skin from the malevolent punk author -cough- I mean, the author was completely unbiased while writing this fic! Screw you all and your judgemental, trendy ways! All preps should die and rot in hell!

A large bang was heard and a whizzing sound reached the ears of hapless Sesshoumaru and Rin, on their way to class. Quick as a flash, Sesshoumaru reached out a hand and snatched out of midair a bullet that was just about to strike Rin. The author, thoroughly shocked, could only observe as Sesshoumaru turned to Rin and declared in perfect Japanese that she could never leave his side again. "Jaken tried leaving my side and he's dead now. Staying with me is the only way to survive. Do you understand?"

Wide-eyed, Rin nodded before inquiring if he had known Japanese all along. "No," the white-haired prep declared. "I decided to learn. If I, Sesshoumaru, am capable of anything, it is, at the very least, to learn an entire language in one day. Now, Rin, let's carry on."

Fine. Whatever. Who cares about you guys anyway? Kagome and Inuyasha were together and were hardcore punks and that's what matters. I've written a beautiful story full of intrigue, romance and above all **_wit_**. So screw all you preps out there. I'm clearly a better person than all of you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to check my inbox for the inevitable flood of reviews. I want 1050 reviews for this story before I update the first chapter of the sequel! If I don't get that many, you won't get that AMAZING chapter that I KNOW you're itching to read!

Review!

PREPS SUCK!

PUNKS ROCK!

THE END.

(P.S. I hate preps.)

* * *

A/N For those of you who understand Japanese, yes, Rin is supposed to be saying those things. That's the point. For those of you who don't understand the language, you are no further behind than everyone else.

And just so you know, _I_ use the word "mosey." ;)


	5. Crossover Chaos

A/N: Hi, guys! I've decided to write a new fanfic–this one is a crossover! It's gonna have all my favourite shows in it! It's gonna be so amazingly awesome you'll fall out of your chair with glee! And don't forget to review when you're done reading the amazing awesomeness!

---

"It's always something when I show up in your time!" Inuyasha growled.

Kagome held on tight as Inuyasha sped through the allies of modern Japan with the girl on his back. She replied, "The episode would be boring if you showed up and nothing happened, though!"

Inuyasha grunted. "Why couldn't it just be another fluff episode? Those are so easy! ...Well, except for all the romantic awkwardness..."

Kagome noticed a blush redden Inuyasha's cheeks slightly.

But enough of that. This wasn't a fluff episode.

"Stop here!" Kagome instructed.

Inuyasha skidded to a halt in a lot behind a tall building. He perked up his ears to listen, and whiffed the air. "There's definitely something here... Are you sensing anything?"

"It's close..." Kagome whispered. "But where...?"

Suddenly, another pair came running into the lot from an alley on the opposite side. One was a junior-high student with his hair slicked back.

The other was a turquoise-haired woman sitting side-saddle atop a floating oar. As she left the alley, she was saying, "The demon should be somewhere in this direction...!"

"You said it looked like an animal, right?!" the student demanded. "That must be it! I can sense a powerful aura from him...!"

"Wh-what the hell?" Inuyasha stuttered. "Who are these people?!"

"Hm?" murmured the woman atop the oar. "The description doesn't match, Yusuke. Headquarters never said anything about this guy..."

"Did you say you're looking for a demon, too?" asked Kagome. "Who are you guys?"

"I'm Botan, and this is Yusuke," explained the woman atop the oar. "It seems to me we may have the same goal in mind..."

"I think you might be right," said Kagome. "We might be able to get the job done faster if we work together. What do you say, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha crossed his arms and sniffed. "We don't need them. I can handle anything that comes along!"

"Same here," Yusuke shot back. "Just stay out of our way!"

"Come on, you two!" Botan urged. "We'll never get anywhere by arguing!"

It started out faintly at first, but grew gradually louder. An odd puttering sound, like a small automobile. The gang looked around for the source, but could find nothing.

Inuyasha, having the keenest ears of the bunch, realized the sound was coming from above. He looked up, and started. "Who's that coming from somewhere up in the sky?"

Kagome followed his gaze, shielding her eyes from the sun. "You mean the thing that's moving fast and bright as a firefly?"

The flying object zigzagged closer to the ground and finally landed a few feet away. It was indeed a very small car that appeared to be made of a cloud-like substance, and had star-shaped headlights.

There were two occupants of the peculiar vehicle. They looked very much like bears, but more akin to the teddy variety than anything else. The brown bear turned to the pink bear next to it and asked, "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Aww, they're so cute!" Kagome wibbled.

Inuyasha snorted and approached the vehicle. "Who're you guys supposed to be?"

"Oh?" said the brown bear, looking up at the dog demon. "We're the Care Bears! My name's Tenderheart Bear, and this is Cheer Bear. The Caring Metre was way down, and we traced the trouble to this location. ...Are any of you, um...feeling down?"

The alley was filled with silence.

After a moment, Inuyasha lowered his head and tapped his index fingers together. "Actually, for the past few weeks..."

"Listen, you, uh, Care Bears, or whatever," interrupted Yusuke. "We've got this situation under control. Why don't you go find some emo kids to hug better or something?"

Tenderheart shook his head sadly. "Believe me, we've tried..."

Hopping out of the car, Cheer Bear said, "Don't be silly! I'm sure if we all worked together, we could find out what the problem is in no time flat!"

"Sorry, but I don't work with stuffed animals," Yusuke insisted, absently scratching his ear with a pinky finger.

Botan swooped down next to Yusuke. "Don't be so stubborn! It's what I've been saying all along. Fact is, we could really use their help!"

Just then, a scream rang out from the street.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Tenderheart. "Someone's in trouble!"

"Man, what's goin' on today?!" growled Inuyasha.

Demons, humans and bears alike emerged from the alley to find Hojo sprawled out on the street.

Kagome gave a shriek of her own. "Not Hojo! Anyone but Hojo! Oh, the humanity!"

"Hey!" said Botan, giving Hojo's shoulder a shake. "Are you alright? What did this to you?"

"A...b-b-bear..." Hojo stuttered. "It was...a b-bear!"

"You were mauled by a bear?" Inuyasha asked incredulously. He shot a suspicious glare at Tenderheart and Cheer Bear.

Tenderheart planted his paws on his flanks. "We specialize in caring, not mauling!"

"Who's going to be able to solve this mystery?" Kagome asked no one in particular.

"Leave it to us, Kagome!"

The group gathered around the prostrate, petrified Hojo looked up to see a pair of young children standing back-to-back in a dynamic pose a few feet up the sidewalk. One had black hair, large glasses and a bowtie. The other had smooth light red hair, green eyes, and dark robes with an oversized white bow at the front. He was also carrying a crescent-shaped staff.

"Conan?!" Inuyasha exclaimed. "What are you doing here? ...And who's that other kid?"

"Mythical Detective Loki," said the red-haired child, "at your service."

"We're here to investigate this mystery," said Conan, adjusting his glasses in an intellectual fashion.

Everything suddenly went black. From out of nowhere, a gruff male voice spoke:

"In the criminal justice system, supernatural offenses are considered especially heinous. In Tokyo, the dedicated child-detective prodigies who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the supernatural victims unit. These are their stories."

A distinctive "CHUNG CHUNG" sound rang out.

Hours later, Conan and Loki were standing in Nye Labs. A man in a light-blue lab coat and a bowtie emerged from an adjacent room.

"Were you able to identify that tuft of fur we found on the victim's clothing?" asked Loki.

"Well, what we have here certainly does not belong to a Care Bear," said Bill. "Judging from the colour, I'd say it's probably something _posing_ as a Care Bear."

"So you weren't able to identify the sample?" inquired Conan.

"Unfortunately, no," Bill replied. "Whatever it is, you should approach it with extreme caution. I want you boys to be careful out there."

"We will, Mr. Nye," said Loki. "Let's head out, Conan."

"Oh, one last thing, Conan," said Bill as the two child prodigies were headed out the door. "Love the bowtie."

Conan tugged on the sides of his bowtie. "Thanks, Mr. Nye. I'm rather partial to yours as well!"

Meanwhile, back on the scene of the crime...anime crossover hell had just broken loose.

Inuyasha's ears tweaked, having caught waves of sound from up in the air. He looked up and searched the skies. "What now?!"

"What is it?" Kagome asked. Her face lit up and she looked up into the sky as well. "Are there more cute little bears coming?"

"No, whatever it is, it's comin' in fast," Inuyasha growled. "Hit the dirt!"

Inuyasha grabbed Kagome and dove just as a round pod came shooting down from the sky with a huge explosion, leaving a large crater in the middle of the road.

Yusuke looked up from his own evasive dive. "Thaaaat's gonna cost..."

At the very centre of the newly-formed giant pothole that drivers and the city alike were not going to be pleased about, the pod's hatch opened and two figures emerged. One had very pale hair; the other had jet black hair, spiky and large beyond all reason.

Inuyasha peered over the edge of the crater. The pale-haired newcomer pulled out what looked like an oversized compass and both he and his companion began inspecting it closely.

"Hey!" Inuyasha shouted. "Who the hell are you supposed to be?!"

The two looked up. The pale-haired one shouted back, "The name's Trunks, and this is Goten. We come from the future, where an evil shapeshifting demon in the form of a bear has destroyed the earth. We were able to escape and travel back in time so that we can collect the Dragon Balls and stop the destruction from ever happening."

"I didn't want your whole freakin' life story!" Inuyasha snapped.

"Oh my gosh!" Kagome exclaimed. "My horoscope was right!"

Suddenly, a shadowy blur moved in front of the two at the centre of the crater. Trunks was looking down at empty hands.

"The Dragon Radar!" he exclaimed. "Mom's gonna kill me! But...who just stole it?! How was it that I was unable to detect their presence before now?"

"Never underestimate the element of surprise!" boasted a new guest to the party. Everyone in the street turned to see a tall, dark and handsome fellow in a black and violet leather catsuit standing at the edge of the crater. Most notable were the huge raven-black wings on his back. With a cocky tilt of his hips and a smirk the size of Texas he waved the Dragon Radar in his hand. "Dark Mousy's the name, phantom thievery's the game! I'm afraid I'm going to have to take this little trinket off your hands."

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!" screamed a voice from up in the air. It grew louder as the feathered bullet from which it came landed gracefully nearby. Equally handsome but the polar opposite of Dark's...uh, dark colour scheme, a white-winged angel with golden hair and eyes pointed menacingly at the phantom thief. "The Dragon Radar is a Hikari artifact of great power. I cannot allow you to steal it. Prepare to die, Dark Mousy!"

Yusuke raised an eyebrow. "Is...is that guy wearing pink chiffon under his...uh..."

"Dress?" Botan provided.

"It's a ROBE," Krad insisted. "And it's EXCEEDINGLY MANLY."

"Riiiight," Dark said. "You go ahead and keep telling yourself that. As for me, I'm just gonna be off now." He turned and was about to fly away when he suddenly noticed the crime-fighting duo in highly elaborate sailor fuku standing in his way.

"I won't let you get away with stealing a precious artifact!" cried the blonde one. "I am Sailor Moon!"

"And I'm..." began the pink-haired one, a slim fraction of the blonde's height, "Sailor Chibi Moon!"

"And in the name of the Moon..."

"We will punish you!"

Dark blinked. "Damn, you're with Krad...?! You must be! You have the same hair!"

"Now, Chibi Moon!" signalled Sailor Moon.

Chibi Moon nodded. "Right! O Pegasus, Protector of Dreams! TWINKLE YELL!"

A spark of light erupted in the air, and from out of it plopped a man with straight, silver hair and an expensive-looking red suit. He held a glass of wine and appeared to be a bit tipsy.

"You bellowed?" he inquired in an inebriated drawl.

"Y-you're not Pegasus!" Chibi Moon squeaked.

"Yes I am!" argued the red-suited man with a tilt of his head. "But you can call me Max, dear. All those stuffy formalities are such a bother."

"W-well then," said Chibi Moon, "you're not the RIGHT Pegasus! Where's my Peg–"

"ZAKER!"

"AAAAACK!"

A bolt of lightning seemed to come from out of nowhere and blasted Chibi Moon at point blank. She lay in a sizzled heap on the ground.

"CHIBI MOON!" screamed Sailor Moon.

"Huh?" puzzled the newcomer. He looked fairly average, with dark hair and eyes and dressed modestly, but classily. Unbeknownst to the others, his name was Kiyo, and due to the laziness of the author, he didn't bother to introduce himself. He turned to Sailor Moon. "Where's your book?"

"M-my book?" asked Sailor Moon. "What are you talking about? You just blasted Sailor Chibi Moon, you jerk!"

The strange little blonde boy standing next to Kiyo and dressed in a dark blue poncho piped up, "Sailor Chibi Moon? That's an awfully funny name for a Mamodo!"

"What the heck is a Mamodo?!" Sailor Moon wailed, tears forming in her eyes. "What's going ooooooooon!" She began whining and sobbing loudly.

"Wotta Thunderbolt!" exclaimed another dark-haired boy, this one clearly younger than Kiyo. Distinctive red cap on his head and familiar yellow rodent at his side, he challenged, "How about a Pokemon Battle!!"

"Who's Pokey Man?" Kiyo wondered aloud. "And for that matter, who are you?"

"My name's Ash, and I'm from Pallet T–!"

"Pika! Pikapi! Pikachu!"

The yellow rodent was chattering frantically, and Ash turned to see where its little paws were pointing. On the other side of the street, a large bear was tiptoeing away from the busy scene. Tiptoeing was doing it little good, unfortunately, as it was bright green.

"The shiny Ursaring is getting away!" wailed Ash.

"There it is!" shouted Trunks. "It's the shapeshifting bear demon!"

"Finally!" Inuyasha snarled, cracking his knuckles. "Now that he's shown himself, we can finish off this bastard once and for–!"

Sadly, Inuyasha was cut off because he was no longer the focal point of the story.

"Stop right there!"

The shapeshifting bear demon was shocked to see what appeared to be a large robot in a loin cloth standing before it, as well as a very short–

"WHO YOU CALLIN' SHORT, BETCH?!" screamed the blonde shrimp next to the–

"There! YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN! If you call me short one more time–!" threatened the vertically challenged brother of the robot.

The blonde grumbled. "I still don't like it..."

"Uh, brother..." said the robot gently. To avoid a lot of messy dialogue, I'll tell you right now his name was Al. And his brother was Ed. Their names were as short as–

"Don't. Say it."

Fine, fine. But it's just what the fans want, Ed. It's just what the fans want.

Ed thrust a finger at the shapeshifting bear demon. "Anyway! You! Yeah, you! Your misuse of alchemy to turn yourself into a chimera disgusts me! I'mma chargin' mah automail, betch!"

"Brother..." said Al, slightly puzzled. "Why are you talking like that?"

"'Cause the author has never seen FullMetal Alchemist, and is flying by the seat of her pants in my portrayal!" explained Ed. In a sudden change of subject, he asked, "Al, is it true you like Mudkips?"

"Like them?" Al exclaimed. "I LOVE Mudkips!"

"Did someone say 'chimera' a few paragraphs ago?" exclaimed a shrill, annoying voice. Five girls appeared dramatically on the horizon, each dressed in skimpy outfits of varying colour and wielding weapons clearly made from hard plastic. "There it is! That must be the Chimera Animal! Tokyo Mew Mew, go! For Earth's future, we will be of service, nya!"

"Ehn..." shrugged Ed. "Needs more Strawberry Bell Bell."

Meanwhile, back in the crater, Goten turned to his friend Trunks. "There's gonna be a battle! We'd better help out!"

"You're right," replied Trunks. "Are you ready?"

"Sure am!" Goten enthused.

The two stood ready, a few feet apart from one another. Fingers pointed up, they leaned over and cried, "FU-SION-HA!" There were a lot of impressive pyrotechnics as the two performed the Fusion Dance to become the powerful and spunky Gotenks. Or at least, that was their intention...

"Ooh, I've seen this trick before!" slurred Pegasus. He pulled a Duel Monsters card from out of his jacket pocket. "I'll use Polymerization to help them out! HIC!"

The Millennium Eye flashed and the effects of Polymerization became tangible. There were more impressive pyrotechnics and pretty flashing lights dancing in the crater, and soon a massive robot rose ominously from its centre.

"Oh my gosh!" cried Ash. "It's the Megazord!"

Trunks and Goten shared a puzzled look, now suddenly clad in sentai outfits and seated in the cockpit of a giant two-tiered robot.

"Um..." Trunk said. "Okay, sure, why not..."

"Incoming!" Goten cried, the radar on the console in front of him pinging madly.

As per the radar's warning, another giant robot dropped from the sky and landed in the crater next to the Megazord.

"Is that another one of these Megazord thingies?" Goten wondered.

The chest cavity of the newest robot opened to reveal a young boy strapped inside. He could not have been more than sixteen or seventeen. He pulled off his helmet to reveal shaggy brown hair and large violet eyes. "It's true!" he exclaimed. "I have been pulled back into the past..."

"What do you mean?" puzzled Sailor Moon. "Do you know Sailor Pluto, too?"

"Huh?" said the boy. "I don't know who that is... But my name is Kira, and I think when you guys in that weird Gundam over there travelled into the past, you inadvertently opened a wormhole in my time that pulled me in and sent me to the same time you were aiming for."

"And how exactly did you wind up at THAT conclusion?" Kiyo demanded.

Kira shrugged. "Easier to advance the plotline this way, I guess."

"We have a plotline?!" Dark thundered in disbelief.

A strange rift appeared in the sky, and another mecha dropped into the already-crowded crater.

"Did somebody say plotline?" exclaimed the pilot, a young girl in red armour and red hair in the ugliest style imaginable. "Whatever it is, I'll take it over and completely overshadow everyone else! I am the star after all! Of course, friends are the most important thing...but I'm even more important! For I am Hikaru, and I shall save Cephiro!"

"Did she say Sephiroth?" asked Sailor Moon.

Silence overtook the people gathered on the street as the air crackled with anticipation, but sadly, Sephiroth was too busy posing for yaoi fanart to make an appearance in this story.

The sky was suddenly illuminated by a shaft of blue light that cut through the air like a blade and bathed Hikaru's mecha in its blinding glare. Yet another mecha descended, down the shaft of light, and landed directly on top of Hikaru and her mecha. Hikaru was promptly killed.

"Now _my_ horoscope has come true!" exclaimed Botan. She pulled a newspaper clipping from inside her kimono and unfolded it.

_Someone near to you will be crushed horribly from above today._

The new mecha looked something like a knight, complete with a cape. A panel in the mecha's "helmet" slid open, and an ebony-haired head poked out. "Hey, Hitomi, what're you dooooooooin'?! ...Wait, you're not Hitomi..."

Krad scuffed his toe on the concrete, hands folded behind his back and a coy look in his eyes. "For you, honey, I could be."

"Hey you guys!" said Goten. "Let's all fight crime together! My big brother used to do that, y'know."

"With all of our mechas, I'm sure crime wouldn't stand a chance!" agreed Kira.

Van (that's the one in the knight-like mecha, in case you haven't seen that anime) nodded in concord. "I clearly have nothing better to do, and the fact that I've been teleported to the Mystic Moon for no adequately explored reason doesn't bother me in the least. Count me in!"

"But we're missing one person..." Trunks pointed out. "There's only four of us. We need five to be a real team!"

"I don't have a mecha," Al piped up, "but I guess I kind of..._am_ a mecha. Sort of. If you squint." He turned to Ed. "Do you mind if I go fight crime for a while, brother?"

Ed closed his eyes and clenched his fist in a dramatic, anime-style expression of anguish. "People die when they are killed..."

"Umm... Yes, thank you for that, brother..." Al said, and he clunked away.

Trunks, Goten, Kira, Van, and Al subsequently joined forces and formed a sentai squad.

Meanwhile, at a nearby tavern...

"What do you mean, we're not allowed in?!" shouted Loki. "Don't let my boyish charm fool you, I'm actually thousands of years old."

"Yes, my appearance is deceiving, as well," explained Conan. "Just because we _look_ like children..."

"Alright, look, kids," said the bouncer. "A bar is no place for someone your age. Now go place nice in the park or something."

Loki grumbled, "You're SO getting cursed for this..."

Inside the tavern, a pair of silver-haired boys were angsting at the bar on adjacent stools.

Dilandau quickly downed his shot and slammed it down on the counter. "Damn... We are so messed up."

Tsukasa nursed his Shirley Temple slowly, grasping the sweaty glass with the tips of his fingers. "You can say that again..."

"We should start a club," Dilandau proposed. He straightened up on his barstool, eyes glistening in the hazy tavern light with inebriated determination. "But what do we call it?"

Tsukasa stared at his drink for a moment. "The 'I Was a Girl But Then...' Club?"

Dilandau slammed a fist down on the counter. "It's brilliant! I'll drink to that!" He tapped the rim of his next shot on Dilandau's Shirley Temple glass.

Yet another silver-haired patron glided into the tavern and took a stool at the bar.

"The usual, Frank," deadpanned Sesshoumaru.

"One bowl of scotch comin' up," the grizzled, mustachioed bartender replied.

Back on the suddenly very busy street...

"Are you sure the Hollow is this way?!" cried a young man with hair the colour of that orange juice-product you get at McDonald's, wielding an oversized sword as he turned the corner at the intersection. He and the black-haired girl following him stopped short when they saw the huge crowd gathered on the street.

The sword-wielder, Ichigo, blinked. "Do I even want to know?"

"Like, oh my gosh!" cried the pink-clad Mew Mew, "Your name is Ichigo too?!"

Sword-wielding Ichigo stared at the cat-eared Ichigo. "What the hell are you supposed to be?"

"And you!" the car-eared Ichigo bubbled. She pointed a gloved hand at Inuyasha. "Doggy ears! You must be one of us!"

Inuyasha's eye twitched. "Alright, this is really starting to get on my nerves..."

"How many more people are gonna show up?!" Ash demanded incredulously.

Ed shrieked in reply, "IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAND!!!"

"Why does that sound so familiar...?" Trunks mused.

With unfortunate timing, a boy in an obnoxiously bright orange outfit and a squinty face burst onto the scene. "I'll take all of you guys on! I'm gonna be the strongest so I can be the next hokage! Buh-lieve it! Buh-lieve it! Buh-lieve it! Buh–!"

"THAT DOES IT!" Inuyasha screamed. "EVERYBODY, OUT!!!"

The crowd grumbled irritably and retreated in different directions. The only exception was the obnoxious ninja boy.

"Buh-lieve it! Buh-lieve it! Buh-lieve it! Buh-lieve it!"

Inuyasha stalked over to the ninja boy and picked him up, one hand gripping the back of his collar and the other clamped to the waist of his pants.

"Buh-lieve it! Buh-lieve it! Buh-lieve it!"

Inuyasha walked over to a nearby bridge, hoisted the ninja boy up, and with a mighty swing, chucked him into the river.

"Buh-lieve it! Buh-lieve it! Buh–!" SPLASH!

Inuyasha dusted his hands off, a satisfied smirk plastered to his face.

"Gee," remarked Yusuke drily. "THAT wasn't symbolic."

* * *

A/N (Calum the Angel): Despite Yusuke's observation, it wasn't actually symbolic of any anime's superiority over another–I just felt like having Naruto get chucked into a river. 


End file.
